


I loved you, before I even remembered you

by LightBright



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Bisexual Eddie Kaspbrak, Character Death Fix, Closeted Character, Coming Out, Eddie Kaspbrak Lives, First Kiss, Fix-It, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Gay Richie Tozier, IT Chapter Two Spoilers, Internalized Homophobia, Losers Club (IT) Friendship, M/M, Movie: IT Chapter Two (2019), Oblivious Richie Tozier, Pining, Richie Tozier Loves Eddie Kaspbrak, SO MUCH FLUFF, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-21
Updated: 2019-11-21
Packaged: 2020-12-27 09:56:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 31,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21116849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LightBright/pseuds/LightBright
Summary: Before Mike called, Richie didn't even remember Eddie. But as his memories come back, Richie remembers that he was most definitely in love with him and always had been. After everything that happens in Derry, he might just have a chance at keeping Eddie in his life this time.----Richie is in love with Eddie and Eddie doesn't die in the sewers. A Chapter 2 rewrite of sorts that focuses on Richie's POV before, during, and after Derry.





	1. The Call

First came fear.

The memories didn't all come to him at once. They trickled in slowly. 

When Mike called, it stopped him dead in his tracks. The voice said “it’s Mike Hanlon” and he was suddenly able to picture a boy’s face that he knew belonged to the voice on the phone. He remembered a town. Flashes of old houses and a bridge and a creek. But very quickly the memories turned to blind panic. He didn’t know where it came from. Didn't know what was happening. He was just gripped by complete fear. 

What could this town and this man possibly have over him that could cause him to feel like his stomach could drop right out of him? Without thinking, he ran out an emergency exit as fast as he could and vomited over the railings.

Next came more faces. Then names.

In his confusion he had rushed on stage. Like he was running to his present life, the one that he knew and understood. His life as a comedian made sense to him. It was simple and it was predictable and he was good at it. Truth be told, it was the only thing he had going for him. This career was the driving force of his entire life and there wasn’t much outside of that. So the emotions and memories hitting him now were terrifying. The emotions they were stirring in him made him uncomfortable.

He tried to run through the rehearsed script, ignoring the thoughts that were essentially assaulting his mind. But when he tried to say "I'm Richie Trashmouth…" he couldn't suppress the sudden onslaught of sounds and bright images. He heard echoes of children laughing. Friends. Yelling. At him. Calling him Trashmouth affectionately. Riding bikes in the summer sun. Screaming as they jumped off a cliff into water. Happy memories. He had real friends once, he remembers now.  
He couldn't finish the show. Couldn't remember what he was supposed to be saying. He could only focus on the 6 figures that were materializing in his mind but that still hadn't come into focus. Still blurry. Just beyond his reach. 

"Trashmouth…." He trails off again, a feeble attempt to get back on track. But it was too late. The past had come for him. All that came out was "I forgot the joke."

He vaguely hears boos from the crowd as he exits the stage. Hears the backstage crew’s panicked shouts, his manager in his face. As soon as he feels his shoulder bump into a wall, his knees give out and he collapses, head in his hands. He was struggling to breathe. His heart was beating faster and louder than it ever had before. His head was pounding. These images were real memories. Real friends. They had mattered. More than anyone in his life since. Why had he forgotten them? How?

It was all flashing before his eyes. Just bits and pieces. Red hair. A stutter. Curly hair. Chubby cheeks. Tighty whiteys. A watch. A broken arm. Short red shorts. An inhaler. A fanny pack.

"Are you crazy?" He hears his manager spit angrily, shaking his shoulders. But it’s drowned out by the memory of a young boy repeating the same thing all those years ago. A small scowling boy standing over him shrieking out "are you crazy!?" to a much younger Richie. His brown hair soaked from swimming and sticking to his forehead. His freckled nose and his wide brown eyes inches from Richie's face before he grabs Richie’s shoulders and shoves him while trying to hide a small smile creeping over his face.

_Eddie._

Richie froze. His breath caught. It was Eddie. Eddie Eddie Eddie. He remembered Eddie.

He bought a plane ticket.


	2. The Dinner

The last 24 hours had passed in a weird fog for Richie. He was exhausted from trying to piece together his past and separate it from his present. By the time his plane landed, he had recalled enough to assemble a sort of rough summary of his childhood. He knew that he grew up in Derry. He remembered he had a group of friends and that they called themselves the Losers Club. He remembered that their names were Mike, Eddie, Stan, Bill, Beverly and Ben. He remembered summers of freedom, riding bikes all across town, running through the forests and jumping over rocks to cross streams. He remembers spending endless hours at the arcade playing Streetfighter - sometimes alone, sometimes his friends would join him. He remembered that they were bullied - no, tortured - by some older boys. And that was what had brought them together. He knew that he loved these people but couldn’t remember all the specific details that had led to such close friendships.

As he drove through Derry, he found it all to be very familiar. He recognized every storefront, ever landmark, every sign, every road, the Kissing Bridge. It was like nothing had changed.

It had been more than two decades since he had seen his friends or Derry. 27 years for some. He remembered Bev leaving first not long after she came into their lives. And he remembered he was 18 the last time he saw the few that remained when they finally went off to college. He never returned.

Now he was standing outside the Jade Orient. He was nervous.

As he approached the doors he saw two vaguely familiar figures embracing. Red shining hair and a bright smile, holding onto a tall handsome man with soft eyes. 

“Wow. You two look amazing,” Richie said “what the fuck happened to me?”

Ben and Beverly turned to him and hugged him too. It was nice. Richie may not have known who they were just yesterday, but today he was beyond happy to see them.

The three of them walked in. Richie was still nervous, so he did what he always did when he was uncomfortable: became loud and obnoxious. Much like a child would, he picked up a stick and smashed it into the nearby gong. The three other men in the dining room turned as Richie shouted “The Losers Club is officially in session”

He whisper shouted from behind Ben, letting the other’s know this was in fact Ben, miming jokes about his weight change. And while Bill and Mike smirk, Eddie frowns at him. The smile froze on Richie's face as he felt a shock ripple through him and his heart rate increased. This adult Eddie was just staring right at him and it was doing something strange to his stomach. Not the fear or the stomach ache he’d had earlier. This was different. This felt more like a fluttering. A warmth.

But he didn't have all the pieces yet. He couldn’t remember why his feelings for Eddie were different. Eddie meant something more to him than just a lost friendship. He also looks at him and immediately imagines him in tiny short shorts. but the adult version of Eddie wears a basic polo and blue jeans. _He’s still very cute,_ Richie thinks. He’s sure his cheeks turn red as he hesitantly walks over to the table scratching the back of his neck anxiously.

Fortunately, Richie had perfected the art of using humour and alcohol to cover what was really going on inside long ago. He quickly jumped into old habits of making jokes at others’ expenses while drinking his way through rye and cokes between rounds of shots, trying to ignore how his eyes lingered on Eddie every chance they got.

The more he hears each of his friends talk, the more memories he remembers and the easier the dynamic between them becomes. It was less in flashes now and more like these things were just something he had always known.

When they were kids, Richie was always trying to make others laugh. He found himself especially wanting to make Eddie laugh, or rather get Eddie flustered and fight back with equal wit. Anything to get his attention.

He remembered Eddie’s neuroticism and his fear of disease and germs. On the surface he seemed uptight and overly anxious and timid, but the other half of him, the one that Richie knew best, completely contradicted that. Eddie swore like a pirate. He was funny and silly. He had a short fuse that Richie liked to push as far as he could. But Eddie never stayed mad at him for long. They both knew Eddie secretly enjoyed the banter, despite putting on his best angry face when it was time to face off. It would almost always end in laughter. He also went along with every adventure they went on, no matter how much he complained about it.

He also remembered that Eddie had been his best friend. They were attached at the hip and always touching, whether to punch the other in the arm or to comfort the other when they needed it most.

Memories in all sorts of places came back to him now. A rock war in the Barrens with Eddie leading the charge. Stealing medical supplies from the pharmacy to patch Ben back up after an attack from Bowers, once again led by Eddie. Friday nights at the movie theatre, always sitting next to Eddie. 

And then he remembers a particularly fond memory in the clubhouse. 

_There had been a hammock in that old underground hangout, and Richie and Eddie one way or another always ended up in it together. Every time they would pretend to put up a fight._

_“Your ten minutes are up,” Eddie huffed, standing over Richie. Richie ignored him._

_“If you don’t get out, I’m coming in with you.”_

_Richie, without looking up from his comic, casually said, “I doubt your fat ass could fit in here.”_

_“Excuse me?” Eddie yelled, as he climbed on top of Richie, jabbing him with his knee as he squeezed himself next to Richie on the other end of the hammock “My ass? Your ass! Fat ass!”_

_Richie still didn’t look up from the comic. “Idiot.”_

_“Dumbass”_

_Richie finally looked up and met Eddie’s fiery eyes, which looked just as ready for the challenge as he was. RIchie raised one eyebrow and knowing smiles slowly creeped onto each of their faces._

_“Dickwad”_

_“Pussy”_

_“Fuckface”_

_“Dickface”_

_They were both giggling now and holding onto each other’s ankles, each insult coming out faster and faster._

_“Vagina Face.” They could barely get the words out anymore they were laughing so much. _

_“Douche Nugget”_

_“Shit for brains”_

_Eventually Stan sighed overdramatically and told them to shut up._

_Richie whispered one last “Little Bitch” and Eddie kicked him in the ribs._

Richie was always hoping he’d get in the hammock with him. He always wanted to be close to Eddie. He feels the pull now as he looks at this new grown Eddie. A bit taller and stronger and older, but still Eddie. It had been so long since he’d felt this way.

Just like he did back then, Richie does his best to get a rise out of him, to feel that rush once again. So he makes fun of his job. Makes mom jokes. He forces him into arm wrestling. Effortlessly, they fell right back into step. 

“So wait Eddie, you got married?” Richie asked despite the pain he felt in his chest as he said it. 

“What's so fucking funny dickwad?” Eddie quickly spat back.

“What to, like, a woman?” Richie winces as he says it, because he knows that kind of joke hits a little close to home.

“Fuck you bro!”

“Fuck you!” Richie yelled back. Just like old times. 

Richie was really enjoying himself, despite the way Eddie was making him feel and despite Eddie being married. He felt happy. Really happy. He could feel the weight of the last 20 years being lifted off his shoulders and a part of himself that was missing felt a bit more whole. How had he gone so long without this? But there was a pause and the mood shifted suddenly. Richie says “When Mike called me I threw up.”

Eddie immediately followed it up with “When Mike called me I crashed my car.”

The others all shared similar reactions to Mike’s call. 

“It was like pure f-f-f-” Bill tried to say, his stutter suddenly returning.

“Fear” Mike finally said. “It’s fear”

Bill stared at him. “Why do we all f-feel like that Mike? You remember something we don't, don’t you?”

Mike’s face was hard and serious. Like he was reluctant to tell them what he was about to say. “Something happens to you when you leave this town. The farther away, the hazier it all gets.”

Richie felt his blood go cold. Something bad was coming. The fear came back like a rock heavy in his stomach. He didn’t want to hear the rest.

Mike continued, “But me, I never left. So yeah.. I remember all of it.”

The room is silent and tense, no one moving until it was Beverley who finally whispers “Pennywise?”

And then everyone in the room breaks into a panic. 

Just the name triggered every horrible memory. For everyone. Like that summer was simultaneously dropped into all of their minds and playing out like a movie.

‘The clown?” someone said

Yes. The clown. Children disappearing. The Neibolt house. The sewers. The nightmares. Eddie breaking his arm. Eddie almost dying. Red balloons. Hallucinations feeding into their deepest fears. Fear. So much fear.

“Mike why did you ask us to come here?” he hears Bill ask.

“It’s back. We have to defeat it.”

He and Eddie exchange incredulous looks. Richie thinks that doesn’t sound like something they should be doing at all. 

And then they’re opening fortune cookies with strange words on them and suddenly they all remember that someone is missing from their party. The empty seat was for Stanley. And the fortune cookies were now telling them that Stanley hadn’t “made the cut.”

It was absolute chaos. One minute they’re all sitting around staring at each other in confusion, the next the fortune cookies have burst into life.

When the small creatures start to fly off their table, he instinctively yells out for Eddie, though he’s in no more danger than anyone else. No one notices because they’re so busy batting away creepy monsters flying at their faces. Despite the fear he’s experiencing as the horror unfolds behind, he remembers how we would always try to protect Eddie as kids. During every horrifying incident they experienced, he would always reach for Eddie next to him.

When it’s finally over, they get the fuck out of there.

The five men just stood around outside the Jade Orient, not sure what to do next, their minds trying to catch up to what just happened. Bev sat on the ground with her phone to her ear and then…. Stan.

Finding out that Stan was dead was the breaking point for Richie. And worse, he had killed himself. Last night. After Mike called him. This was all too much. They shouldn’t be here. They had to get out of Derry now.

He says so, and Eddie agrees with him. Even though they bicker constantly, when it comes down to it, Eddie still trusts Richie above anyone else when it comes to big decisions and always takes his side. The two of them escape to Richie’s car over the sounds of Mike’s protests and reminders about an oath. Richie tries to ignore the feeling of triumph as Eddie climbs into his passenger seat. It reminded him of all the times they had driven around the backroads of Derry as teenagers, just the two of them, singing with the windows rolled down and no destination in mind. This drive was less fun.

Richie and Eddie really had planned on leaving. Richie was already downstairs with his duffle bag thrown over his shoulder, waiting for Eddie to join him, when the rest of the Losers burst through the Inn’s front door bearing more bad news. Not only was one of their best friend’s already dead, but if they didn’t stay to fight Pennywise, they would be going the same way in the next 20 years anyway, driven insane by that stupid clown and his stupid psychological poison.  
Fuck.

As this revelation sets in, Eddie comes blundering down the stairs with two giant suitcases in tow. “I just need to grab my toiletry bag and I’ll be good to….” He stops and looks at all the tense faces looking up at him. “What did I miss?”

\------

The six of them sit in the Inn’s lounge, each nursing a drink in their hands. Mike had some sort of plan that they all had to follow. Richie half listens to them speak back and forth in low tones, sometimes about Stan, sometimes about what Bev had seen in the deadlights. But he doesn’t hear most of it because as he’s sitting there, Richie is remembering more and more. More of his past is leaking into his thoughts and emotions and it’s a little overwhelming. He doesn’t know how anyone else can be so calm about all these memories, good and bad, coming back. He just needs to get out of this room. Whether to revel in these new found memories alone or pass out to make it all go away, he isn’t sure.

Eddie is sitting next to him being uncharacteristically quiet, just like Richie. He hadn’t even touched his drink and his knees haven’t stopped bouncing since he sat down. He was taking slow, shaky, deep breaths in through his nose.

“You alright, Eds?” Richie whispers so no one else can hear. Eddie doesn’t look at him but makes a sort of noncommittal grunt.

On instinct, Richie places his hand flat against the middle of Eddie’s back and firmly holds it there. As he does it, he remembers he used to do it all the time for Eddie. Every time Eddie was anxious, he would press a hand to his back to try to ground him and bring him back down to earth. Eddie turns to look at him now, the same look of recognition that Richie was sure must be on his face every time he remembers something from their past.

Richie stares back into his eyes for a few seconds and then downs what’s left of his drink “Well, I’m off to bed to get a good night’s sleep before murdering a demon clown! Eds, looks like you could use some sleep too.”

Eddie nods and slowly stands up and shakily walks out of the room. Richie waves to the rest of the Losers and bows as he walks out behind Eddie.

“Thanks for that” Eddie mumbles to Richie.

“Whatever do you mean, Eddiekins?” he smiles as he picks up Eddie’s two oversized suitcases. “Jesus, how long were you planning on staying? Are you moving back to Derry?”

“Shutup. Come on, I can carry my own luggage, Richie.”

But Richie was already halfway up the stairs. “Don’t be ridiculous, you’re much too tiny for this kind of manual labour. They’re bigger than you.”

“Oh fuck off Richie.”

Richie turns around at the top of the stairs and grins at Eddie “Lead me to your chambers, sire.”

Eddie rolls his eyes but leads Richie to his door and unlocks it. Richie pushes past him and drops the two suitcases on the ground, huffing and puffing to make a show of it. He wipes nonexistent sweat off his forehead. “Whew, thank god i got that workout in today. Was worried I’d lose my form while on holiday” he grabs at his flabby stomach.

He slaps a hand onto Eddie’s shoulder and says “Well, goodnight” and goes to walk out of the room, but Eddie’s hand shoots up and grabs his wrist, stopping him from moving any further. 

There is silence as they stare at each other. And then Eddie blurts out, “I missed you,” his eyes wide and looking up at Richie.

Richie gulps and tries to say as casually as possible, “But you didn’t remember me...”

“I know.” Eddie says slowly, swallowing. “But. I still missed you. I felt it. You know?” Eddie hasn’t broken eye contact yet. Richie can’t look away either. He does know exactly what Eddie means. He knows what it feels like to think you have it all together, and still feel like something big was missing, but you just can’t remember what. To feel a void that nothing could fill no matter how hard you tried. No matter how happy you were, there was a tinge of melancholy in every day. 

When Richie replies it comes out as a whisper. “I know what you mean. I missed you too, Eddie.” He pauses before breathing “So much” and suddenly Richie moves to wrap his arms around Eddie’s shoulders, squeezing him in a tight hug. Eddie staggers backwards, caught off guard, but then he wraps his arms around Richie’s waist, and hugs him back just as hard with his face in his shoulder. 

They stay like that for a long time.

Richie remembers what it feels like to love someone.


	3. The Arcade

Richie Tozier was in love with Eddie Kaspbrak. And he always had been.

And the thought was entirely too distracting considering the real horrors they were now up against. Still, Richie had a hard time focusing on anything else. 

Mike had sent them out on their own to find a token from their past to sacrifice in some weird ritual to destroy It. And that was how Richie found himself standing alone in the abandoned arcade clutching a game token and reliving one of his worst memories.

_  
Right after the fight Richie had with Bill, right after Eddie had almost been killed in Neibolt House but instead escaped with only a broken arm, he went to the arcade. None of his friends were speaking anyway, so he might as well spend his alone time working on his Streetfighter high score._

_He noticed a boy there, about his age. He had never seen him before. He asked him to play a round with him. Richie even accidentally on purpose lost his current game so that he could invite the boy over._

_It had been fun. Richie liked being so close to the boy and laughing with him. When the game ended, the boy turned to go, but Richie found he didn’t want him to leave. He didn’t want the moment to end. Maybe he was lonely without his friends. Without Eddie. He called him back, maybe sounding a bit too desperate, too nervous, asking him to play another round with him._

_Bowers walked in at that moment and the boy turned back to Richie._

_“Dude why are you being weird? I’m not your fucking boyfriend.” He turned back to Bowers and added “You didn’t tell me this town was full of queers.”_

_Richie didn’t know how to respond. But it didn’t matter. Henry Bowers pounced. Accusing him of hitting on his cousin. Saying he never would have taken Richie Tozier as a faggot._

_Normally, Richie would tell Bowers to fuck off or come up with some other quick comeback, but his brain was frozen. He barely understood that part of himself, how could they have known? No one could know. Bowers’ words were running through his mind on repeat. Faggot. Queer. Dirty. Sick._

_“Get the fuck out of here faggot” was the last thing Richie heard before he ran out of the arcade, past the onlooking crowd that had gathered._

He smiled sadly at the memory of the scared and confused little boy. The boy that had just been figuring out who he was when the world came along and told him it was wrong.

Richie of course always knew he was gay. But he never knew where the fear of anyone finding out came from. Despite living in a city where he knew he could largely be accepted, and where he was witness to happy same sex couples every day, he still felt like he _had_ to suppress it. 

In his twenties he had some one night stands with men. They were always at inconspicuous dive bars far from anyone who might recognize him and fueled by copious amounts of alcohol. He never told them his real name. In the moment he felt free and more like himself than he ever did by day, but when it was over the shame he felt was instant. As he became more known to the public, the risks became too high for Richie. After that he had tried having relationships with women but they never worked out. He had eventually given up on any sort of relationship and just buried that piece of him. He had gotten this far without anyone so he didn’t see the need to fulfill that hidden part of him. No amount of loneliness had coaxed it out of him. He had been alone for years now. He just poured himself into his work.

His heart ached thinking of young Richie that day in the arcade. Even though he couldn’t remember that moment for his entire adult life, he knew without a doubt now that it was this moment that kept him in the closet for 40 years. The voices in his head calling him a fag. Sick. Dirty.

He understood it now. He had lost that fundamental life altering moment that contributed in making him who he was today. All that remained from it was the fear and the secrets.

Finding this missing memory felt like a step closer to self acceptance for Richie and for who he truly was. Maybe.

He took one last look around the arcade with a sigh, pocketed the token, and walked out to the park across the street. He wandered slowly and aimlessly along the path, searching his newfound childhood memories. 

Most of his thoughts were of Eddie.

He was almost grateful to be alone. That morning, he hadn’t been able to stop thinking about how in love with Eddie he was. And with Eddie and the others being right at his side while he dealt with his internal revelation, he had been very tense and jumpy. When Mike brought them to the clubhouse, he had only been aware of Eddie and his every move. He could hardly take his eyes off him. All the memories of the clubhouse were too much for him. The hammock was right there. The very hammock they had spent countless hours in, sitting way too close, touching way too much, hands too grabby. Richie had wanted to kiss Eddie in that hammock more times than he can count.

Even though he knew the monumental task of tackling a murder clown loomed, he still needed to take advantage of his moment of solitutude to think about those feelings now.

Richie remembers everything. Every memory, every moment, was laid out in front of him. There were no dark patches anymore. It was like he had never forgotten and it had always been a part of him. There wasn't a day from the time he'd known Eddie as a kid til the time they'd been separated that his thoughts hadn't been consumed by him. He let it all wash over him now.

The way the others were talking the night before was like they'd only ever been together the summer of 1989, the year of Pennywise. But their time together went beyond that. His time with Eddie went beyond that.

At 13 he was like anyone else. Everyone felt that first flutter of infatuation at that age when they realized they had developed their first crush. He obsessed over Eddie with childlike intensity. He’d listen to love songs and think about Eddie. He’d doodle Eddie’s initials in the margins of his notebook before ripping it out and shredding the evidence. Once he even carved their initials into the Kissing Bridge. Richie told himself it was just a crush, it would fade. But it never faded. It grew and grew and became stronger with each passing year. It was real love. Unrequited, unselfish love.

He had learned to be cool about it. To not show it as best he could. Unlike the current day Richie, whose teenage emotions were hitting him all at once 27 years later. That Richie was doing a terrible job at playing it cool, as he had been demonstrating all morning. 

As they got older and entered high school, the other boys became more concerned with attention from girls. Richie would watch Bill and Stanley go all doe eyed and panicky whenever a cute girl acknowledged them. But Richie and Eddie never even talked about girls. They couldn’t be bothered. They would rather hang out together. In some sort of unspoken agreement, neither ever questioned why the other wasn’t more interested in relationships.

It was no secret that Richie and Eddie were closer to each other than they were to the other Losers. They were like a single unit. The group couldn’t imagine one without the other.

They did everything together.  
After a hang out with the other Losers, Richie would always bike with Eddie to his house before returning to his own house.  
After the horrors they faced with Pennywise at 13, Richie would sneak over to Eddie’s house and climb through his window several times a week. They would hide under the sheets with a flashlight giggling quietly until they both fell asleep.  
When they were 14 and decidedly old enough to care about music, Eddie would lay on the floor of Richie’s bedroom, trying to do homework, while Richie explained why a certain song was a masterpiece and why it was important that Eddie understood it.  
Eddie was the first person that Richie allowed in his new car at 16.  
Eddie was the one with Richie the first time they ever tried beer at 17, hiding in the trees near the quarry on a Saturday night.  
Richie adored him, at all ages.  
Richie couldn’t have him the way he wanted, so instead he made sure he was always at his side. Always there to nudge him when he made a joke to get a reaction and a touch. To rub his back when he got anxious. He just… loved. That's all he could do.

His last memories of Eddie were some of the most heart wrenching. Because as their final summer together winded down, the atmosphere around them had changed. It buzzed with fresh energy. It felt like they were moving towards something, like their relationship was coming to a head. Into something more. Richie found himself constantly wondering if Eddie was like him. And even more dangerously… sometimes wondered if Eddie could ever feel the same way about him. But that was even scarier than being in love with him. Eddie loving him back meant he’d have to let go of the secret he had held on to so tightly for so long. 

_  
Richie and Eddie were the last to leave Derry besides Mike. Ben had left a couple years after Bev, and Bill not long after. His family had wanted to start fresh, away from the memories of losing Georgie. By the time they graduated high school, only Richie, Eddie, Stan and Mike remained. But Stanley had already left for a prep course for his accounting program, and Mike had taken up more responsibility working on his grandfather’s farm. _

_That had left Richie and Eddie alone for an entire summer. They knew their time together was fleeting. When September came around, Eddie would be heading off to college in Boston, where his mother would also be moving to stay close to Eddie. And Richie… he was going to try to make it in New York City. _

_Knowing their time together was short put them in a sort of bubble, where they cherished every moment. Every spare moment they had was spent together. Richie tried to be as present as he could, trying to memorize it all. He studied Eddie’s every movement, every word, every tick, every habit. He drank it all in, afraid he would never have this again. Sometimes he would catch Eddie staring at him too, with a funny look in his eyes, one that Richie couldn’t quite place. Sometimes they would hold each other’s gazes and not look away. Those moments always made Richie’s heart beat far too loudly._

_They had stopped sharing beds a few years earlier, when they became too old to get away with such behaviour. But they started sneaking into each other’s windows in the dead of night again that summer. They’d lay in the dark looking at each other. Sometimes they would whisper the things they were too afraid to say in the light. Things like “I’m going to miss you” and “I don’t want you to go” and “I just want to stay with you.” Though they’d always been each other’s best support system, these sort of confessions were new to them, and came out only as they desperately tried to cling to each other and the childhood that was slipping away._

_Richie had come so close to letting it all go on nights like those. It would have been so easy to reach out to Eddie in the dark, to pull him in and kiss him. Like he had imagined a thousand times before. But the same fear always stopped him. Eddie was everything to him. If the hope he sometimes let himself feel, the hope that Eddie could feel the same way, was wrong, the repercussions would be devastating. He couldn’t risk it._

_On nice days, they would jump in Richie’s car and drive for miles, feeling the warm summer air on their faces as they sang and talked non stop. They’d stop whenever they saw something interesting on the side of the road. Or ice cream. They always stopped for ice cream. _

_On one of those trips, they found themselves walking through a forest on a sunny August day, just because they felt like it, making jokes as they went. Suddenly the trees opened up and they found themselves at the top of a steep grassy hill that led down to an open valley._

_They stood side by side looking out at the view. “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” Richie asked with a glint in his eye._

_Eddie eyed him warily. “I can almost guarantee we are not thinking the same thing.”_

_Richie took a step towards him as Eddie took a step back. “What are you doing… Richie you better fuck off.”_

_“Eds we need to roll down this hill!” he pointed down, twirling his finger for effect. “This hill is begging us to roll down it.”_

_“How old are you? I am not rolling down this mystery hill. We don’t know what lives in this grass!” Eddie cried as he backed away from an approaching Richie. “And what about grass stains? Huh?”_

_“Can’t be worse than the stains already in my pants from thinking about your Mom.”_

_Eddie made the mistake of pausing to yell at Richie for that one. Richie took his chance to lunge at him and drag him to down to the ground. He put his full weight on top of him and pinned his arms down while he thrashed around._

_“Eddie! We’re doing this!” He shouted between laughs. “We are rolling down this hill.”_

_“Don’t you dare.”_

_“Ready?”_

_“No Richie!”_

_In one swift movement Richie released Eddie arms and wrapped himself around Eddie’s middle before forcefully rolling the two of them over the edge of the hill. Eddie wrapped his arms around Richie and tucked his head under Richie’s chin as they rolled faster and faster together down the hill. Eventually Eddie’s screams turned to laughter._

_They unravelled at the bottom in a fit of laughter and splayed out in the grass gasping for air between bouts of laughter._

_“Richie! We could have broken our necks.”_

_“We didn’t.”_

_“I hate you.”_

_“No you don’t.”_

_“I know.” _

_They eventually quieted down and looked over at each other. Richie nudged Eddie’s arm, “See, not so bad.”_

_“I guess not,” Eddie huffed. “Everything is spinning.”_

_They both looked up at the blue sky and were silent for a long while, enjoying each other’s company. _

_A cool breeze picked up, blowing Richie’s hair across his face. He shivered and said “Feels like fall wind.” Which meant September was coming. Richie shivered for an entirely different reason._

_Richie felt Eddie hand brush against his and Richie swore his heart almost stopped. Then Eddie slipped his hand into his and intertwined their fingers and Richie felt like his whole body was on fire._

_Richie slowly turned his head to look at him and found that Eddie was already looking back. He squeezed Eddie’s hand in return. They just gazed at each other. Neither backing down. Just… looking. Richie loved him so much it hurt. He felt that hope in him again, that maybe there was more to this for Eddie too. He couldn’t bring himself to say anything though. Instead they lay there for a long while, lightly rubbing their thumbs over each other’s hands, and looking at each other._

_The day that Richie left Derry, he spent his final moments with Eddie. He had said goodbye to his parents earlier that morning, his life packed up into a few boxes in his backseat. Before he went in, he sat in his car with his eyes closed and his hands gripped so tightly on his steering wheel his knuckles turned white. He took deep breaths in, trying to prepare himself for what was to come. As he stepped out of his car, Eddie opened the front door and peeked out timidly. His eyes were red and his face was puffy._

_“Hey” Richie whispered as he approached._

_“Hi” Eddie squeaked back. “My mom is gone.”_

_Richie shuffled past Eddie into the front hallway. The house had been stripped to its bare bones. Everything packed up into boxes for the big move the next day._

_Eddie locked the door behind him and turned to look at Richie. They stood in silence, barely a foot between them, just looking at each other. An air of awkwardness and sadness filled the space._

_“How should we spend our last moments together, Spaghetti?” Richie finally murmured._

_“Don’t call me that” Eddie said out of habit. Then he laughed, breaking the tension. “I bought us a pint of ice cream, if you’d like to share.”_

_Richie smiled. “Genius idea.”_

_“I haven’t packed up Mortal Combat either. If you wanted to play one more game.”_

_“Wow you really thought this through Eds,” Richie grinned. “Sure why not, for old times sake. I’ll boot the game up, you walk your cute booty over to that freezer and get that ice cream.” _

_“Fuck off” Eddie called as he dipped into the kitchen._

_For a while, it was almost easy to forget that this was their last day together. For an hour they laughed and screamed and fought over the game and the ice cream. They could almost pretend they were carefree teenagers, their biggest worry their next quiz in English class. Until finally Richie collapsed on the floor fist pumping the air after beating Eddie once again._

_“Victory is mine!” He yelled._

_“I let you win” Eddie spat back._

_Richie grinned at him. But then his smile froze._

_“Eddie…. I should probably go now.”_

_Eddie didn’t look at him. He sighed and said “Yeah. Okay.” He stood up from his spot on the floor, reaching for Richie’s hand to pull him up. He didn’t let go as he led him to the front door._

_They stood in the dimly lit hallway once again, unsure of what to do, their hands swinging between them._

_“Well,” Richie choked out, “I guess this is it.”_

_He could see Eddie’s eyes begin to water as he nodded. Richie released his hold on Eddie’s hand so he could wrap his arms around Eddie’s shoulders as Eddie wrapped his arms around Richie’s middle. The hug lasted too long, even for best friends. They were both shaking._

_Richie went to pull back but found he wasn’t ready yet and instead rested his forehead against Eddie’s. They swayed back and forth, Richie’s hands gripping Eddie’s upper arms while Eddie’s fingers curled around Richie’s waist. For a brief moment, time stood still as they breathed each other in. The only sound was Eddie’s occasional sniffling. As usual, Richie thought about kissing him. It was his last chance. Their lips were inches apart. Now or never. But even now he couldn’t bring himself to do it._

_“Richie” Eddie whispers._

_“I have to go” Richie croaks. He quickly rushes forward and presses a hard and clumsy kiss to Eddie’s cheek, too close to the corner of his mouth. “Goodbye.”_

_Without looking at Eddie, he turns and rushes out the front door, the tears finally spilling from his eyes._

_He rips open his car door and hears Eddie’s panicked cries as he runs after him “Wait! Richie!”_

_Richie freezes. He takes a deep breath in, wipes at his face, and slowly turns to look at him. His face is covered in tears and he’s staring at Richie with desperate expression. Richie stares back._

_Eddie stands there with his mouth open, trying to find words. Finally he says “Don’t forget me, Richie.”_

_Another tear falls down Richie’s cheek. “I could never forget you, Eddie” he says before pulling his eyes away and hastily climbing into the driver’s seat. As he drives away, Richie watches Eddie, his whole world, getting smaller and smaller in the rear view mirror. He cries for hours as he drives along endless highways that take him further away from Eddie. _

__  
It was sad to think of that summer now, because he knew the ending to the story. He did forget Eddie. And Eddie _didn't_ love him the way he had secretly hoped for. Eddie had married a woman. And Richie was alone and trapped in the closet.

One of the downsides of all your teenage memories coming back to you with such clarity, aside from the obvious clown issue, was that all his old fears felt fresh. He was feeling them as if they had just happened, his adult brain getting crossed with his 13 year old brain. His overwhelming fear of being found out had returned. Like that 13 year old realizing that he liked boys, he was terrified. As an adult, he had learned to simply internalize it and keep people at arm’s length. But now, oh boy, the irrational paranoia was crippling.

But, then he thought, loving Eddie felt _good._ And Richie found himself wondering how something so good could really be that bad.

It was as this thought crossed his mind that a stranger bumped into him, shoving a crumpled paper into his chest. He looked down and saw a photo of himself captioned _ In loving memory of Richie Tozier _.

He felt like the world was spinning around him. The fear he had felt at dinner returned, but much stronger. This time he was alone. And he was facing his own personal hell.

“Did you miss me Richie?” a familiar voice says from above, sending chills up his spine.

Richie’s head snaps up and he sees the clown perched up on top of the Paul Bunyan statue, its creepy smile spreading wide.

“Oh fuck” Richie coughed.

“Cause I missed you!” It shrieked.

Fear paralyzes Richie. He wants to run but couldn’t seem to move his legs. He couldn’t look away.

“Play a game with me would ya? How about Streetfighter? Or maybe… Truth or Dare.”

“Jesus” Richie chokes again. This was not good.

Pennywise smirks at him. “You wouldn’t want anyone to pick truth though would you?”

_Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck_ was all Richie could think.

Pennywise hops forward and slowly floats down on dozens of balloons. He begins to sing.

“I know your secret. Your dirty little secret.” 

Richie stumbles backwards as the clown touches down.

“Your dirty little secret. Should I tell them Richie?”

Richie squeezes his eyes shut.

“This isn’t real. It isn’t happening. It isn’t real” he repeats to himself, just as he did at 13.

When he opens his eyes, the clown runs at him one last time, teeth widening, and then he’s gone. He looks up at the Paul Bunyan statue, smiling blankly over the park full of people going about their day.

Richie scrambles to his feet, his breathing ragged. This was stupid. They shouldn’t be doing this, they were just regular middle aged nobody’s. They didn’t owe this town anything. Who wants to fight a monster? Willingly? This was insane. He needed to leave. Why should any of them stay? They could go back to their lives. Eddie could go back to his wife. He’d gotten this far without them, with this hole in his heart, what’s another 40 years alone? He could forget them all again.

_Even Eddie?_ A voice in the back of his mind says. 

He pauses.

“Shutup” Richie actually found himself saying out loud to himself, hitting himself in the temples with his fists. 

He climbs into his car and convinces himself that these feelings for Eddie weren’t real. He was only feeling all of this, all this love, because his teenage memories had suddenly come back. Richie wasn’t that person anymore. He shouldn’t be confusing things that happened years and years ago with real life now just because the memories were so fresh.

If he leaves… this whole town and its fucking clown won’t be real.


	4. The Sewers

Just like the night before, Richie really had planned on leaving. He had even managed to get his packed bag into his car this time. As he escaped the Inn, evading Ben and Bev’s resistance, he thought he would flee forever and never look back. He was far too scared to stay or to think clearly.

Surprisingly, it ended up being Stan that convinced him to stay. Or rather, a memory of Stanley. With his stupid thoughtful words at his bar mitzvah that horrible summer. Going on about how change is scary. About not being able to leave nightmares and secrets behind no matter how much you may want to. About how you will instead lose all the good memories first. And then it was those last words from that too-wise boy that finally made Richie stay. “I know I’m a loser. And no matter what, I always fucking will be.”

Richie went straight to the library, where he figured the rest of them would meet up again after collecting their tokens. Instead when he got there he saw Mike on the ground fending off a mullet with a knife. A Bowers mullet.

He didn’t really think. He saw the machete among the shattered glass case, and he acted on instinct. It was life or death for Mike. Richie plunged the machete into the back of Bowers’ head and his body collapsed over Mike.

He dropped the machete when he realized what he had done and promptly threw up. He heard other footsteps enter the library followed by Ben’s voice saying “Are you alright?”

“Of course I’m not alright, I just fucking killed a guy!”

Richie finally turned around then to see Ben, Beverly and Eddie with gauze taped to his face.

“I meant Mike,” Ben says pointedly.

“Oh…” he manages, still staring at Eddie. 

As Ben rushes past to help Mike, Richie doesn’t look away from Eddie.

Eddie sighs and says “Bowers. Knife.”

Richie’s stomach twists, threatening to expel whatever was left in there.

What the fuck happened in the short time he was gone? He leaves for a whole ten minutes and suddenly Eddie is maimed. 

Richie now feels embarrassed that he was going to leave. These were his friends. The best friends he'd ever had. Losers stick together. He hadn’t been there for them. He felt like a huge asshole.

The fear he had felt in the park seemed less important now. Maybe that was the true power of Pennywise. He could twist your worst fears and build them up inside you until that fear trumped all else.  
But now Richie doesn’t want to run off and forget. He wants this in his life. He wants to be there for someone. For _them._

As they rush out of the library, Richie stops to tentatively grab at Eddie’s chin to get a good look at his bandage and the thin stain of blood that was bleeding through. He realizes the gesture might be too tender so he says “You look like shit.”

“You should see the other guy,” Eddie says nervously.

Eddie could have died. Mike could have died.  
  
And now they had to go rescue Bill’s dumb ass so he didn't die.

\------

Richie was in the deadlights. He knew because everything he saw was too bright, too washed out. There was a ringing in his ears but besides that he couldn’t feel his own body. He couldn’t move, only watch. Flashes of moments came at him in rapid succession.

Ben is calling desperately for Bev. Bev is reaching for Ben from a pool of blood. 

Eddie is throwing a fence post through the air at Pennywise.

Eddie is crouching over him saying “Richie! Listen, I think I got him, man. I think I killed it!” And then there’s red. All over Eddie, all over Richie, all over his glasses. There’s a large talon piercing through Eddie’s abdomen. And then Eddie is being dragged away. “Richie,” Eddie is whimpering, blood oozing from his mouth. Then his body is being flung across the cavern. 

Richie is screaming. And screaming. There’s a massive hole in Eddie. Richie is desperately trying to stop the flow of blood with his jacket. More screaming. The clown is shrinking. The cavern is crumbling around them. Eddie is lying lifeless in his arms. Eddie is dead. They are leaving Eddie alone in the cave. The house is collapsing. Richie is screaming. Eddie’s dead eyes. Eddie’s blood. The screaming never ends. Richie is in his hotel room throwing things against the wall, shattering them. He is crying. And screaming. 

Then it stops. The light is gone. The screams are fading from his ears as his eyes adjust to the darkness.

“Richie! Rich! Wake up!” Eddie’s face is the first thing he sees when he can finally see properly.  
“Hey!” Eddie says, smiling gently at him and grabbing the front of his jacket. Richie narrows his eyes at him. He’s seen this before… “There he is… Buddy, Richie, listen, I think I got him - “

Richie acts without thinking. He propels himself forward and then pulls Eddie down flush to his chest. He feels, more so than sees, the talon fly past them and crash into a boulder. He hears Eddie cry out and when looks down at him he sees the same red he had seen in the deadlights.

“Shit. Eddie?” Richie says, starting to panic.

Eddie groans and writhes around in pain, still on top of Richie. His jacket and shirt are ripped open across his left shoulder and torn down his back. He has a deep gash spanning maybe two feet of his body. Blood is pouring out of it.

He had changed it. 

He had seen it happen and he changed it. Just enough. It had to be enough. _Please let it be enough. _

Richie slides out from Eddie and grabs his uninjured arm and half drag him down the slope out of It’s reach. Eddie is hysterical.

“Eddie? Eddie, look at me. You’re okay. You’re gonna be okay.” Richie pulls him to his feet and gets them to the safety of a smaller cave.

“I’m dying. I’m gonna die,” Eddie mumbles while Richie props him up against a wall.

“You’re not dying. Okay? You’ve been through worse than this. This is nothing.”

“What the fuck are you talking about? Look at this shit!” Eddie cries back.

Richie takes his jacket off and tries to use it to put pressure on the deepest part of the wound just next to his shoulder blade. “I’m not going anywhere. I’m right here. Eddie, look at me!” Richie grabs his face and forces him to maintain eye contact. “You’re okay. I won’t let anything happen to you. I promise. I’m right here.” Eddie swallows and then nods, resting his head against the cold rock.

The others come running into the cave and crowd around them. Ben crouches down to help Richie hold the wound and the rest are shouting about what the fuck they’re going to do now.

“I hurt it,” Eddie croaks. “... the… leper. I hurt it. I made it smaller.”

Richie has no idea what that’s supposed to mean, but Mike seems to understand enough to form a plan. Next thing he knows, he’s alone with Eddie in the cave while the others shout insults at the clown.

“You should go,” Eddie whispers. His eyes were beginning to droop and his breaths were getting shallower.

“No, no, no,” Richie says, slapping Eddie’s cheek a bit. “Don’t you dare close your eyes, stay with me.”

“Go-”

“Eddie shut the fuck up I am never leaving your side again,” Richie snaps. But then he turns and yells as loud as he can over his shoulder “You’re a joke! You’re a stupid clown!” He doesn’t let go of Eddie.

\------

Against all odds, they managed to defeat It. As the ceiling began to collapse on them, Richie shouted “we have to help him!” Ben scooped Eddie up off the ground and they had ran back through the sewers. Richie stayed as close as he could without getting in his way.

When they emerged from Neibolt street, the sun shockingly bright, Eddie was no longer conscious. Richie sat in the back seat of Mike’s car crying with his arms wrapped carefully around Eddie, while Mike and Bill shouted words back at them that he couldn’t process. There was so much blood. Eddie had lost so much blood.

When they get to the hospital, Mike carries Eddie through the front doors and he is immediately thrown in a stretcher and carted off surrounded by a flock of doctors and nurses.

The doors close behind them, leaving the three of them in total silence. Richie watches the doors swing until they finally become still, and then he collapses to his knees, sobs racking his entire body. Mike and Bill are at his side in an instant, their hands on his back, petting his hair. He can’t stop crying. He holds onto one of their arms, squeezing too hard.

“Shh, Richie,” Bill is saying. “Shhh. He’s gonna be alright.”

Richie can’t breathe. He had seen Eddie die in the deadlights. And now he’s gonna have to watch him die again anyway.

“You don’t know that,” he says between sobs. “So much blood. And the sewers. It could get infected. And what if… what if..” he hiccups. “What if there’s internal bleeding or something. Or what if - “

“Hey,” Mike cuts in, “stop that. You sound like Eddie. He’s going to be fine. He’s strong. We got him out of there. You got him out of there.”

Richie sobs louder. The other two squeeze him tighter.

“I promised him he would be okay.”

Both of them say in unison “He will be.”

“I can’t lose him again,” Richie whispers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's the last chapter from the movie, you guys! The next few chapters are uncharted territory for Richie and Eddie and I'm very excited to dive into it.
> 
> Thanks so much for reading!


	5. The Hospital

The next hours spent in the waiting room were hazy. Richie was moderately aware of each of his friends coming and going, murmuring words of comfort in his ear or giving his arm a reassuring squeeze. At some point each of them left to get cleaned up and get a change of clothes. Richie refused to leave. He spent the entire time rooted in his uncomfortable plastic chair staring down at his dirty soaked shoes. 

He cried intermittently, his body acting on its own accord. He had no control over when the tears would overflow again. His mind flipped between thoughts of Eddie. He thought of Eddie being impaled in the deadlights and then dying alone in the sewers, blood pouring from his mouth and chest. He replayed the real moment Pennywise’s talon tore through Eddie's shoulder, and the possibility that he could be dead in this timeline too. He went through all the memories he had of Eddie as a teenager and as an adult. He thought about how he had loved him his whole life; even when he couldn't remember him, there was something there. Something missing. He couldn’t go back to living this life without him. It turns out his greatest fear of all was losing Eddie.

His eyes were burning from a lack of sleep and the never ending crying. His joints and muscles were sore from sitting still for so long, but he couldn’t bring himself to move from where he sat.

It isn’t until he finally hears “Are you lot with Edward Kaspbrak?” that he finally snaps his head up. He jumped to his feet at the same time as the rest of the Losers and stumbled towards the doctor.

It was Mike who confirmed they were with Eddie as the doctor told them, “Your friend is in stable condition but he’s lost a lot of blood. We’ve stopped the bleeding and given him a blood transfusion. We’ve stitched up the wound on his upper back and shoulder as best as we can. He’s going to be in a lot of pain but we’ve given him drugs for that.”

“Wait…” Richie’s voice comes out hoarse and broken. “You mean…. He’s okay?” 

The doctor looked up at Richie with a tired smile on her face and said “Yes. He’s sleeping now, but you can visit him if you’d like.”

Richie feels someone’s hand - Bill’s, he thinks - gently push him forward to follow the doctor through the doorway. When they finally reach Eddie’s door the doctor gestures inside the room and leaves the five of them alone. 

Richie takes a step into the bright hospital room and sees Eddie lying in a bed. His breath caught at the sight of him. He looked so small and frail. His skin is paler than normal and has taken on more of a purple tinge. His left side is in some sort of brace to prevent him from moving it too much and fresh gauze has been applied to his face to cover the stab wound. But even from across the room Richie could see the steady rise and fall of his chest. He was alive. He was right here in front of him, fast asleep.

Richie lets out another strangled dry sob. Bill grabs his elbow and plops Richie down in the seat closest to the head of the bed, where he waits for Eddie to wake up.

\------

The first word out of Eddie's mouth when he wakes up is _Fuck. _

Richie jolted up from where he'd been half asleep with his head resting on Eddie's bed. He scrambled to adjust his glasses and looked around in a daze before realizing that Eddie’s eyes were open and he was awake, trying to grab at his left arm.

"Hey hey hey," Richie said softly, taking Eddie's right hand between his own, guiding it back down to rest on the bed. "You're okay. You're in the hospital."

Eddie froze and locked eyes with Richie like he just realized he was there.

"Richie," Eddie murmured. It wasn't a question. Just a statement.

"Yeah, I'm here," Richie whispered, trying to hold back the tears that he had only just managed to get a hold of. Eddie still looked so small in the bed, swimming in his hospital gown. Smaller than usual. It broke Richie’s heart to see him this way.

"Bill and Mike are here too," Richie gestured to the two behind him, who had just woken up and were shuffling over to Eddie's bed.

"Hey there buddy," Mike's smooth voice said. 

"Gave us a scare there," Bill adds, patting Eddie's leg. "Ben and Bev are here too, in the waiting room."

Eddie nods and smiles lazily at them. "I feel fucked up. S'tired," he mumbled. "Am I on painkillers? What kind?"

"Strong ones," Richie said.

Eddie hummed and breathed out a quiet _Richie_, a smile on his lips.

For the millionth time Richie wonders how he could have forgotten him. How could he forget what it feels like to hear Eddie say his name?

Eddies eyes were beginning to close again, begging for more sleep. He looked super fucking high, and Richie would have laughed if every part of him wasn't still screaming with worry.

"You're holding my hand," Eddie said, his eyes still closed.

"Oh…" Richie winced and moved to release Eddie but Eddie held on tighter, with surprising strength considering his current state.

"No, stay," he said. He cracked his eyes open, words falling out of his mouth with no filter. "I haven’t held someone's hand in so long."

Richie thought that was odd considering he was supposed to have a wife.

Eddie let out a sigh, relaxing back into the bed and then said "you used to hold my hand… sometimes."

Richie is trembling when he bring Eddie's hand up to his mouth and brushes his mouth against his knuckles, despite Bill and Mike being right beside him. "I remember," he whispers.

"Tired," Eddie mumbles again

"Go to sleep buddy, we’ll be here when you wake up.”

Eddie nuzzles his face further into his pillow, sleep already taking over him. "M'kay. Sleep now… lub you."

And just like that he was asleep.

"Love you too," Richie whispered back, the tears finally spilling from his eyes

\------

The second time Eddie woke up that day, the word that came out of his mouth was _Richie._

He said it clearly and firmly, the complete opposite of the weak mumbles from earlier that afternoon.

Richie was still at his bedside, still holding onto his hand, his head propped up on his free hand. Bev was in the chair next to him, her head resting on Richie’s shoulder. Richie’s eyes shot open at the sound and he scrambled to get closer to Eddie, who was groaning in pain as he tried to shift in his bed.

"What? Yes! I'm here!"

Eddie was looking back at him, fully alert and frowning. Back to his regular self.

"Richie. What. The. Fuck." He looked so mad and wound up and Richie couldn't help but laugh. But his laugh quickly turned into sobs. Will the crying never end? He doesn't even know who he is anymore. He’s never cried this much in his entire life.

Eddie looked panicked, and Beverly shifted to rub circles on Richie's back, shushing him gently, until the tears somewhat subsided.

"I'm sorry," Richie blubbers.

"You don't have to be sorry," Eddie says gently, squeezing the hand that was still clutching his.

"It’s just… You died"

"What?” Eddie says sharply. “When? My heart stopped? For how long?” Richie could see Eddie’s familiar paranoid panic starting to rise and he realized his mistake. “Do I have brain damage? If the heart stops for too long it can cause brain -"

Beverly cuts him off before he gets too far into his train of thought. “Eddie, no,” she says firmly. “That’s not what he means. You’re fine.”

Eddie seems to calm down at that and then locks eyes with Richie, begging him to explain himself.

Richie swallows thickly and the words feel heavy on his tongue. “I saw you die…. In the deadlights.”

Bev immediately wraps a comforting arm around Richie’s back, which he gladly accepts because he felt like he could collapse in that moment. 

Between sobs, he tells Eddie and Bev what he had seen in the deadlights. About how he hadn’t pulled Eddie out of the way. How It had ripped right through Eddie’s torso and thrown him around the cavern like a rag doll. All the while Bev rubbed his arm and held him steady while silent tears fell down her own cheeks. _Of course_ she’d understand. She had once been in the deadlights herself.

“You were dead. Eds, I let you die. And we… we just left you down there. We - I left you on your own -“

“Richie. I’m okay. I’m right here,” Eddie says, shaking Richie’s hand a bit. “You saved me. You asshole.”

“It didn’t happen, Richie,” Bev says to him. “This is real.”

With that Beverly stands up and says she’s going to tell a nurse that Eddie is awake. Eddie continued to hold Richie’s hand. 

By the time she returns Richie has wiped away the remaining tears staining his cheeks and he reluctantly moved out of the way so that the nurse could look over Eddie.

When she’s done, she says “Everything is looking as good as we could have hoped for, Mr. Kaspbrak.” Then she turns to Richie and beverly and says, “I’m sorry but visiting hours are now over, you two. You’ll have to come back tomorrow.”

Richie tries to protest but Eddie says “Richie, it’s okay. I’ll be fine.”

“I’ll just wait out -”

“No, don’t be stupid.” Then Eddie looks him over and grins. “That’s probably for the best anyway. You’re disgusting. Take a shower. Like, please. Do not come back here until you are clean.”

Richie lets out a small laugh and finally concedes.

As they turn to go Beverly says “Oh Eddie, do you want us to contact your wife? I wasn’t sure if we should or how…”

Eddie pauses for far too long and then says in a weird strangled voice, “N-No. Please don’t. I don’t want her to know yet…. I’ll do it myself.”

Bev nodded and Richie finally tore his eyes away from Eddie, leaving for the townhouse.

\------

When visiting hours reopened at 10 am the next day, Richie was impatiently waiting outside the hospital wing until he was allowed access.

Eddie was already awake when Richie strolled into his room and smiled brightly when he saw him, even though his hand shot up to his cheek with the stretch of his stitches. Richie tried to ignore how the happy look on his face made him feel as he took his seat next to Eddie with a “what’s up, fucker?”

The other Losers showed up not long after Richie and they spent the day talking and laughing. It felt just like old times. Eddie was able to get out of bed a couple of times to walk around his room and up and down the halls. He moved carefully as to not strain his back stitches and sore bruised muscles. Richie was always at his side, to catch him incase things went sideways. Eddie huffed and told him to fuck off several times, insisting he could do it himself, but Richie stayed anyway. Richie even managed to last the entire day without bursting into tears.

When dinner time came around the Losers asked Richie to join them at a restaurant in town, but Richie refused to leave. He wasn’t going to waste any of the time he was allowed to stay at the hospital.

Once they’re alone, the two are silent for a minute before Eddie breaks the silence with “I have to call Myra.”

Richie’s heart sinks. He knew it was inevitable, Eddie had a life before all this. But it hurt nonetheless. 

He makes to get up but Eddie says “Will you stay with me? I don’t want to talk to her alone.” Eddie says it quietly, like he’s ashamed to admit it.

Richie relaxes back into the chair. Of course. He’d do anything Eddie needed to feel comfortable and safe. This love thing was really turning Richie into a softy. Is this what he would have been like his entire life if he’d never forgotten Eddie?

“Also, I need your phone.”

Eddie took Richie’s phone and punched in the number. He let out a long sigh before hitting the call button and gingerly held it up to his ear with his eyes closed.

Richie could hear a sharp “Hello?” on the other end.

Eddie paused before saying “Myra.”

And the Richie actually recoiled from the shrieking coming from the other end of the receiver. Eddie winced too.

Richie can’t hear everything that Myra is saying, but he can hear her tone. Eddie somehow looks both deflated and extremely irritated as he responds to her panicked yelling. 

“I’m fine. Myra calm down. There was an accident. I’m fine, in the hospital. My face and my back. No. No! No, don’t come here. Yeah I know I haven’t called you since I left. No, Myra I’m not transferring. I’m fine. The doctors know what they’re doing. Myra stop. Listen. No Myra - would you just. I’m not leaving. I’m staying here until I’m ready. I will let you know when I’m - _Myra._”

Richie was suddenly reminded of Eddie’s mother, always aggressively fussing over him about his health and safety. She was always trying to prevent him from doing anything he wanted to do, never listening to what he said.

When he hangs up and tosses the phone onto the bed, Richie is quiet. The awkward tension in the air was very uncomfortable. After several long aggravating moments, Richie finally says "Guess I can’t make jokes about banging your Mom anymore… you know, since you're the one who is actually into your Mom… marrying her and all."

He expected Eddie to bite back. To yell at Richie for his dumb Mom jokes. But instead he just looks down at his lap, his finger fidgeting with his hospital blanket.

"I'm not," he says, barely audible.

"Not what?"

"Into her."

Richie stares at him slack jawed. He wasn’t sure what to do with that information. It sounded like a confession, one that Richie was of course ecstatic about. But he wasn’t sure what the proper response was.

“...Oh?”

“I was thinking about what you said about me being braver than I think I am,” Eddie says.  
Richie is taken aback by the apparent change of subject but waits for him to go on.

“I think… all this _forgetting_… it changed me. The more I remember, the more I remember actually being brave. Or standing up for myself.” 

Richie agreed with him. Back then Eddie had always been first to lead the charge in a fiery ball of energy, after he finished whining about it of course. A big baby he may be, but a coward he was not. “Yeah you were hella feisty, Eds.”

Eddie nods and says “I just forgot how to be brave. Growing up my Mom constantly told me I was fragile. It’s like… without you guys there to remind me it wasn’t true… I just forgot.”

Richie feels his heart swell for the man in front of him. In that moment he knows for sure he's not just confusing his teenage emotions with his real feelings. He, the adult Richie, is most definitely completely in love with the 40 year old Eddie in front of him. 

“I was thinking that maybe the only part of me that survived Derry was the part tied to my goddamn mother.” Eddie’s forehead crinkles with his frown. He still hadn’t looked up at Richie. He had a look on his face that made Richie sure his mind was a thousand miles away. “Maybe that's why we all fell into familiar patterns. We found something or someone that was familiar to us. We couldn't remember why but it used to be a part of us. Like.. Bev marrying someone just like her Dad. And me… I married someone just like my Mom.” Eddie’s eyes finally flicked up to meet Richie’s, challenging him to say something dumb. Richie just put his hands up in mock surrender. The corner of Eddie’s mouth twitched and he said, “Maybe… maybe we clung to that familiarity, you know?. Because we lost everything else we knew… everything better. It’s the closest we felt to home and the missing pieces of us… no matter how fucked up it was.”

Richie coughed and said “Wow, Eds. That’s so deep. Is this how you've been spending your nights alone? Contemplating philosophical enigmas?”

“Richie you are such a turd. For once shut the fuck up,” Eddie snaps, his cheeks turning pink with embarrassment. “I’m trying to be serious right now.”

Richie laughed. “I know, I know! I’m sorry, I can’t help it. No, I get it. I think you’re right. It’s a good theory. Very _astute._”

Eddie crosses his arms to the best of his ability with his left shoulder being restricted and frowns at Richie. “Well? What about you?” 

“What about me?”

“I got all real with you! Now it’s your turn to be real with me. Reveal something about your life and all this crap.”

“I don’t remember agreeing to that.”

“Richie. Come on.”

Richie pauses and looks over Eddie, and he finds there’s no way he can say no to him. Especially not while he’s making his adorable fake angry face. The words are falling out of Richie’s mouth before he even realizes what he’s going to say.

“You know how most people think I’m a moron who doesn’t take anything seriously?”

“You are a moron.”

Richie shoots him a glare and continues. “And you know how after that summer and then into high school we were… close... and I told you _everything._ I could be serious with you. Like when I was sad or angry. Or I’d tell you about my dreams and ambitions and hopes and all that corny shit. Or like weird stuff we would talk about... like the point of life and existence and the universe. You know… all that dumb shit.”

Eddie nods, his arms no longer tense. He almost seemed to be leaning closer to Richie, listening intently.

“I think after Derry that might be the part I lost,” Richie says slowly, like he’s realizing the words are true at the same time he is saying them out loud. “I never let anyone get close. I put up a wall and anything that feels a bit too close for comfort I just deflect with humour. No one really sees past the humour, or bothers to try, and that's how I've kept it.” It hurt Richie to look back on his life this way. How had he not realized before? “But now I remember I used to be able to be real... with you.” 

Eddie is looking at him with the most tender expression Richie has ever seen cross his face. His eyes might even have been a little glassy.

“All this time? You’ve never let anyone else in?” Eddie says softly.

Richie can’t look away from him. “No one was ever you,” he mumbles, shrugging.

“I like real Richie.” Eddie says, as he reaches for Richie’s hand. They’d been doing a lot of that the last couple days.

“You’d be the only one.”

“I don't think that’s true,” Eddies says without hesitation.

Richie just sighs and says “God our lives are depressing.”

He stares down at their hands intertwined in front of him. As he’s focusing on how Eddie’s hand feels in his, something shifts. He can feel his cheeks burning up just at the thought of what he is about to do. Richie can’t believe what he’s about to say.  
He quickly lets go of Eddie’s hand and leans back against his chair, away from him. He blurts out as fast as he can “Actually Eddie I wasn’t completely honest with you back then, when we were kids, either. I still had a secret. One I never told anyone.”

“Okay…”Eddie says, looking a little offended by the sudden break in physical contact.

“Um - I - um.” Richie’s heart was beating out of control in his chest. Eddie was just looking at him confused. He covered his face with his hands and said “I'm gay.”

Richie chanced a peek through his fingers and saw Eddie’s expression immediately fall from a confused one to a blank unreadable one.

Richie couldn’t stand the thought of silence following the bomb he just dropped so he kept talking. “I didn't know why I suppressed it so much all these years until I came back here and remembered. All the trauma and Bowers and being afraid. And… and fucking Pennywise holding it over me and using it against me. He called it a.. dirty little secret. I didn’t remember any of that. All I knew was that I was afraid of anyone knowing. So I never told anyone. But yeah… definitely gay. Yeah.”

Eddie blinks at him a few times and says “Oh.”

“_Oh?_”

“I just…. I guess that makes sense.” An odd blush was burning up Eddie’s cheeks as he stumbled to find the right words. “I mean when we were younger… I - I mean - ” He sighed and restarted, “Rich, don’t worry. It’s cool. I’m sorry that you’ve been so afraid all this time. I’m glad you told me. You don’t have to be afraid.”

"So you don't - that's okay with you?"

"Of course, idiot. It's more than okay." Eddie says, his eyes definitely welling up with tears now. "You're my best friend."

Richie let out a sigh of relief and slumped halfway down his chair.

“You’re not gonna cry again are you?” Eddie says, teasing. “I can't take any more of that from you.”

“No I’m not crying, dipshit. Are _you_ gonna cry? It was your fault I was crying before anyway! When I thought you were...” Richie trails off, not wanting to finish the sentence they both knew was coming.

“Alright,” Eddie says. “Just checking.” 

A beat of silence. "Richie?"

"Yeah?"

“Come here.”

“What?”

Eddie scoots over in his bed, clearing the space on his left side. “You’ve been sitting in those shitty chairs for two days. Come sit up here. Also I want to hug you.”

“Well jeese Eds… at least take me out for dinner first.”

“Shutup and get over here.”

Richie obediently gets up and walks around the bed, swinging his legs up to rest next to Eddie’s. As he does Eddie flings his right arm over Richie’s shoulder and pulls him in for a hug. It’s awkward and difficult in their position with Eddie’s mangled side between them. Richie feels the familiar prick behind his eyes, despite just telling Eddie he wouldn’t cry.

“Hey, Eds?” he says, muffled by Eddie’s hair, “No homo.” And he wraps his arm around Eddie’s waist as they both laugh into each other’s shoulders.

\------

When Richie walks into Eddie’s room the next day he immediately notices Eddie’s wedding ring sitting on his bedside table instead of on his finger. But Eddie is perked up and looks so happy to see Richie that he decides not to ask.

Richie settles into his usual chair with his coffee and they chat as the others filter in for their visit. 

Bill tells them that he’s heading out that afternoon, he’s been gone too long and he didn’t want his wife to worry any longer. 

Before Bill goes Richie makes sure to tell the rest of them the same thing he had told Eddie the night before. With Eddie’s encouraging nod he comes out to them a bit more confidently than the first time, to rounds of happy gasps and hugs and words of love. It’s seems crazy to Richie now that he could have expected anything less from his friends.

Myra calls Richie’s phone at least 5 times. Eddie pointedly ignores them all.

In the afternoon, a nurse comes in to change Eddie’s bandages while a doctor tells him that he can be discharged the next morning. The nurse shows Eddie how to treat and apply ointment to his wounds since he will be on his own from now on. 

Richie watches him carefully as another doctor goes over some physiotherapy exercises to help him heal properly. He recommends Eddie finds his own physiotherapist when he gets home.

Some time later Richie finds himself alone with Eddie again. Mike is back at his apartment packing up to move out of this shit hole. Bev had stepped out to take care of some calls related to her divorce and Ben had gone with her for moral support.

“Soooo are you gonna tell me about this?” Richie asks, pointing at Eddie’s wedding ring on the table.

Eddie glances at it and says “I don’t wanna talk about it.”

Richie knows Eddie and knows this isn’t true so he just stays silent, waiting.

“I’m gonna divorce Myra,” Eddie finally spits out, his eyes wide.

Richie nods and says “Okay.”

“_okay?_” Eddie sputters, flustered. “What do you mean _okay?_ That’s it?”

Richie maintains and innocent expression and says “You’re the one who said you didn’t wanna talk about it.”

Eddie look down his nose at him, his brow furrowed. Richie could practically see the internal battle raging within. 

“Fine!” he half yells. “Fine. I wanna talk about it.”

Richie smirks at him. “Shocking.”

“I hate you.”

Richie shrugs and waits for Eddie to talk. 

“I never should have gotten married. And I think I knew that… but I felt like I had to do it anyway. Like an obligation.” Eddie took a deep breath in and then it was like the dam broke. He just let loose, talking at lightning speed.  
“Now that I remember _me_, who I used to be… I can’t go back. I can’t accept the way my life is anymore. I don’t want to be controlled or pushed around by her or made to feel weak. And I think she’s just gotten worse with those things over time. Maybe I let her. I don’t know. But I can’t stand the idea of going back to her fucking hovering, acting like I could break at any moment like I can’t take care of myself. Fuck. That’s insane, right? I am my own person. I don’t want to be afraid. I don’t want to feel like that. I don’t want to be with someone who makes me feel like shit. I want to be happy.”

Richie has a fleeting thought of _ you used to be happy with me_ before pushing the thought aside.

“And the dumb thing is… I don’t know why she would even want to be married to _me._ I’ve done nothing but complain for five years. There’s no way either of us are happy. It’s toxic. I didn’t even think to call her when I came here! I just sort of… forgot about her… Except a clown didn’t make me forget... I’m just a shitty husband.”

“I’m sure you’re a perfectly satisfactory husband, Eds.”

Eddie looks at him with a desperate expression. “Richie… Did I waste my life?”

“Not any more than I have,” Richie says, not letting Eddie in on exactly what he meant. “And besides, your life isn’t over. Think of this as a fresh start. You can be exactly who you want to be when you get out of here.”

“Yeah,” Eddie nodded. “Yeah. You’re right. Thanks Rich. And uh… Thanks for listening to all that.”

“Oh, I could listen to you bitch all day, Eds.”

“I know you’re trying to be a dick but that almost sounds kind of nice.”

Richie grinned and winked at him.

“So uh...since she gonna be single now...you won't mind if I go after her then? Cause you know, with your mom being dead and all I am without a lover. Your _new_ mom would be the perfect replacement.”

“Jesus christ Richie”

\------

As soon as Eddie is discharged the next morning, Richie, Bev, Ben, and Mike take him into town to treat him to a giant ice cream cone. Richie thought he looked just like a little kid licking away at his melting rainbow cone. _Could he be more adorable?_

The rest of the day was spent walking around Derry for old time’s sake. None of them had any intentions of ever coming back here. Mike was nearly done sorting through his belongings and already had most of his roadtrip across America mapped out. Bev was going to stay at Ben’s place while she sorted through her messy divorce. They were going to be heading out early the next morning.

As for Richie… well he was going to be getting a plane back to LA. The thought made him nauseous. He didn’t want to go anywhere without Eddie, not so soon after getting him back. But he also had to remind himself that he was a functioning member of society and he had a semblance of a life to tend to back home. Though it felt less like a home now.

Besides, Eddie had to go to New York to ask his wife for a divorce. And he said it was definitely something he had to do on his own. It was important that he stood up to her on his own. So with that, Richie and Eddie had purchased their plane tickets for the following morning.

Their last night at the Inn was a quiet one. There was an air of sadness, each of them aware that this little bubble they’d been living in for the better part of a week was about to burst. Tomorrow they’d have to go their separate ways again. Richie knew he was going to miss the ease in which they all fit together. He didn’t have friends like this in LA.

Richie and Eddie exchanged long goodbyes with Ben, Bev, and Mike before everyone went to bed. 

\------

Richie and Eddie were able to stick together all the way through airport security, Richie trying to help Eddie with his bags every few minutes, before Eddie would swat at him and swear under his breath at him. 

After Eddie argued back and forth with airport security about the contents of his carry on suitcase for a few minutes, they found themselves standing in front of the departures board. Their flights were on opposite ends of the terminal. 

“Well…” Richie said, nudging Eddie. “I guess this is it.”

“I guess so…” Eddie looked up at him. He was wearing one of Richie’s graphic t shirts. Richie had given him a few to keep because Eddie’s shirts were too tight and bothered his stitches. Richie thought he could get used to seeing Eddie wear his things. It felt more intimate than it should.

“Good luck with the divorce thing. Let me know how it goes… you know, if you want. You have my number.” Richie suddenly felt very awkward. It was a strange feeling to have after literally spending every waking moment together for the past four days.

Eddie just nodded at him.

“Okay. Well. Goodbye.” Richie put his arms up for a hug and enveloped Eddie, careful to avoid his injuries. Eddie squeezed him back. When Richie went to release him, Eddie didn’t let go. Richie was reminded of that day he had left Derry at 18. The day he broke his own heart when he had to say goodbye to Eddie Kaspbrak. He wondered if Eddie was remembering the same thing.

Richie planted a quick kiss on the side of Eddie’s head and finally pulled back, clearing his throat. 

Eddie looked into Richie’s eyes, searching, before taking a step back. “Bye Richie,” he whispered, turning away.

Richie stood right where he was, watching the love of his life walk away. Richie had never prayed in his life but he found himself repeating _Please don’t let this be the last time I see him_ over and over. 

“Rich?” Eddie turned back suddenly, calling to him. “I’ll see you soon?”

Richie’s face broke out into a huge smile. “Yeah Eds, I’ll see you soon.”


	6. The Space Between

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait! I went away for the weekend, and if I'm being honest I also got caught up in rewatching Stranger Things because I have no self control... :)
> 
> Anyway, hope you like this chapter! Lots of dialogue between our favourite guys if you're into that!

Going back to California felt _wrong._

When Richie had walked into his apartment after the taxi dropped him off, he just dropped his bag and stood in the middle of the living room with his shoulders slumped and his eyes unfocused. 

He was having a hard time adjusting to his old life. Everything was the same as he had left it. The city looked exactly the same. Same expansive roads with red tail lights lined up as far as the eye could see. Same heat making each breath in feel too heavy. Same crowd of bustling people not looking up as they rushed past the millions of other strangers trying to make it in the city. His apartment looked exactly the same. Same empty dinner table. Same unkempt shelves overflowing with knick knacks. Same ocean view beyond the floor-to-ceiling windows. Same oversized bed. Same lone laz-y-boy set up in front of his television. 

It was Richie who had changed. 

He didn't feel like the same person. He was standing in a place he had stood thousands of times before, but now he was looking at it through the lens of 18 years of new memories. It was like his eyes were seeing everything in a new light. He didn't know what to do with himself.

What he absolutely knew he wanted to do was talk to Eddie.

Richie Tozier, who had been taking care of himself for 23 years without anyone’s help, had developed a codependency in a matter of six days. He didn’t know what to do with his body. How to _be_. Where did he look if it wasn’t at Eddie? Where did he sit if it wasn’t in the chair next to Eddie?

Being reunited with his friends and remembering a time when he didn’t have to be alone, when he was surrounded by love, was really messing with Richie. His normal life didn’t seem so appealing anymore.

The loneliness of the apartment that he once considered his escape from the world was overwhelming. He didn’t want to be alone. He didn’t want to do anything by himself anymore.

The itch to text Eddie - something, anything - was excruciating. But he told himself that Eddie needed time and space. He was dealing with a lot. Besides, he would reach out to Richie when he was ready.

Right?

The familiar fear of losing Eddie crept up on him. He knew it was stupid, but old habits die hard.

He managed to at least control his impulse to text Eddie and instead picked up his phone and settled on texting Mike.

_Made it to LA. No one has asked me to join them in a quest to kill an alien space clown, so all in all I’d call it a successful day._

He decided to just go to bed after that.

Every few hours the itch would become too much and he’d pull up Eddie’s name in his phone and begin to type something. Each time he did he decided he was being selfish and that texting him would be putting his own needs above Eddie’s. He’d channel that urge into texting one of the other Losers instead. 

He never left the apartment. He just sat in his chair watching whatever mindless show he could find on Netflix. He ordered takeout when he got hungry. He checked his phone obsessively. He ignored any texts that weren’t from one of the Losers. Most of those texts were from his manager. He’d been MIA for a week, what was a few more days? 

If he thought about it, being a comedian and performing, sure, he was still comfortable with that. He felt good on stage. He was good at _being_ on stage. So, yeah, that part of him still felt okay. It was the day to day life where he wasn't sure how he fit anymore. 

So he just… waited.

It wasn’t until two days after returning to LA that Eddie finally texted him. Richie nearly dropped his phone when he saw the name pop up on his screen.

_I told Myra I want a divorce._

That was all it said. But still it had Richie’s palms sweating and his heart pounding. He bounced up and down in his chair. He knew he was acting like a teenage girl freaking out over their crush, but he couldn’t help it. He really had lost his mind.

“Okay okay okay” he said to his empty apartment. He thought for a second and sent back his reply.

_Eds! Huzzah! How does it feel to be a free man?_

_Honestly it feels weird, but I think in a good way? I feel relieved. And guilty. But good. Also don’t call me that._

Richie wanted to reassure him. Or console him. Whatever he needed. But over text he wasn’t sure how he was supposed to do that. And with so much space between them he lost the courage he had built up in the forced intimacy of the hospital. Instead he tried to keep it light.

_  
Fun fact: half of all marriages end in divorce. If that makes you feel better._

_That fact is in no way fun._

_Says you, the fun police  
_

After that, Richie and Eddie made a habit of texting every single day. Richie had taken to sending him daily fun facts, if only as an excuse to start up the conversation that he knew would follow.

_Fun fact: there are more rats in NYC than there are humans_

_I don't think you're quite grasping the fun part of fun facts._

Richie was about to reply when a second text came in from Eddie. 

_Fun fact: That fact is actually an urban legend that was debunked in 2012 but is still grossly over repeated by millions of idiots just like you._

_Oh eddiekins is not impressed. Please hold, locating better funner fun fact_

_Funner is not a word. You know that right? I think you said it to be funny but part of me is worried you actually think that it’s a word._

The daily texts helped a bit with the ache of missing Eddie. Richie was even feeling up to creating some semblance of a life for himself. Seemed like a better idea than wallowing in a weird pathetic limbo of only thinking about Eddie. If he was going to feel like a different person, he might as well start fresh just like he’d told Eddie to do.

He finally calls his manager and tells him to cancel the rest of his scheduled shows and to fire the writers. He has going to rebrand. He was going to write his own material. His manager was angry and exasperated but reluctantly agreed. Richie feels a weight lifted off his chest.

He misses Eddie. He texts Eddie.

He starts writing his own material. Whenever an idea pops into his head, he writes it down on whatever scrap he can find at the time. He thought there was something good beginning to form and the excitement it brought him felt suspiciously like hope and passion.

He writes jokes and wonders what Eddie would think of them.

He video chats with Bev and Ben who are on a freaking yacht enjoying the sun somewhere exotic. He misses them too.

He has nightmares about sewers and It and his friends dying and Eddie being skewered in a cave. He wakes up panting and sweating after those, but every morning he has at least one text waiting from at least one of his friends, so he knows it’s not real.

He goes to new restaurants he had always wanted to try but neglected to do so when he was a miserable middle aged man just existing between shows.

He wishes he could bring Eddie to them. Maybe he could take him there one day.

He starts cooking his own meals too, something he had slowly stopped doing the last couple years. He didn’t even realize when he had stopped experimenting with new recipes. He just had. He restocked his pantry and his fridge.

He thinks Eddie would be proud of him for being a responsible adult. So he texts him pictures of the results. Eddie is shocked that Richie can not only cook, but can actually cook things that look so appetizing.

He gets lunch with Bill and meets Bill’s wife, Audra. He has a nice time. He laughs a lot. 

On the drive home he hears Nothing Compares 2 U on the radio and he thinks about how no matter how many good things he fills his days with, none of them top his time with Eddie. Then he laughs out loud at himself for being so ridiculous and dramatic.

A whole week has gone by when Richie finds himself sitting out on his balcony alone, watching the Friday sun sink in the sky. His phone starts to ring and he groans expecting it to be a call from his manager. He picks it up.

It’s Eddie.

It rings a few more times before Richie finally swipes a shaky thumb across to answer it.

“Eds?”

“Rich!” Eddie shouts so loudly that Richie has to hold the phone away from his ear. “How are you?”

“Oh… you know,” Richie answers, taken aback. Eddie’s voice sounded different than usual but he couldn’t quite place why. “Sitting alone on a Friday evening. Living the dream. What’s up?”

Eddie is silent for a moment. Then he says quickly “So this might be embarrassing.”

“Eddie, you know I love anything that embarasses you.”

Eddie sighed and then stumbled through his words. ”I had my first divorce meeting today and it was just _a lot_. And afterward I wanted to unwind. So I may or not be ¾ of the way through a bottle of wine. And now I'm sitting here in bed all tipsy and alone.”

Richie felt absolutely gleeful. He mock gasped and trilled in an uppity British accent “Edward, my word! You lush! How could you?”

‘Riichhiieee” he whined, sounding like a little kid. “Please. I’m alone and… and you're not supposed to drink alone. Cause it's sad... and I don’t have anyone to go out with so… I called you.”

“Huge mistake on your part, Drunky McGee” Richie said, already trying to plot all the different ways he could tease Eddie. 

But then Eddie said ‘Get drunk with me?” and all thoughts of Eddie torture went out the window. Richie practically jumped out of his seat.

“Say no more.”

He headed into his kitchen as quickly as he could without actually running and grabbed himself a shot glass and pulled some bourbon out of his liquor cabinet. 

“Bare with me, Eds. I will catch up to you in no time. Bottoms up!” Richie threw back 3 shots in a row, shivering after each one. Eddie laughed on the other end of the line, cheering him on. 

“Jesus Christ I feel like I’m 21 again,” Richie said, burping as the alcohol churned in his stomach. 

“You don’t have to go so hard, you know, we’re not at a college party.”

“And what do _you_ know about college parties?” Richie said, laughing.

‘What! You don’t think I partied? I partied!”

“That’s exactly the kind of lame thing someone who did _not_ party would say.”

“I’ll have you know that I was fun. Once.”

“Oh yeah? Party Eddie. That’s something I would have liked to see.”

Richie poured himself a proper glass, mixing it with Coca Cola, and headed into the living room.

“Okay we are even,” Richie said as he collapsed onto his couch with the phone to his ear. “Now we shall carry on as equals, drinking alone together in our respective homes - in a very not sad way.”

“I’m not at home,” Eddie said. “I'm in a hotel. Since I ended it with her I've been living here.”

“You - what?” Richie said. They’d been speaking every day and not once did Eddie mention his living situation.

“I'm trying not to think about all the bacteria festering in these sheets and carpets,” Eddie said uneasily. Richie could picture the way his nose must be crinkling in disgust. It made him long for Eddie to be there with him in person even more.

“Not to mention the gallons of semen -”

“_Okay_ Richie, yes for fuck’s sake, that was obviously included in what I said. We don't need to get into specifics.”

Riche hummed, pleased with himself. “Well shit man, I didn't know that's where you'd been. You wanna talk about it?”

Eddie doesn’t answer for a moment but Richie hears the glug glug of the wine bottle, so Richie takes a sip of his drink too.

“Yeah, all right.”

“Drum roll,” Richie cries as he slaps his hands on his knees loud enough for Eddie to hear.

Eddie groans but starts telling Richie anyway. “So… I didn’t do it right away like I imagined I would when I got to the house. Told myself I was too tired or too nervous. I dunno, made excuses. It was fucking stupid,” Eddie said, slurring just a bit. “Even though I had been miserable for so long and that I probably never felt the way you’re supposed to feel about your wife, I couldn’t do it.” Richie’s heart ached for Eddie in that moment. Here was Richie so in love with Eddie it hurt, while Eddie had been living his life thinking he had to be trapped in a loveless marriage and settling for far less than the love he deserved. “I was ready for it to be over, but I still couldn’t do it that day. I am such a pussy.”

“Hey! Only I get to say that about you.”

“Yeah yeah. Anyway, the next morning before she had a chance to even speak I just… said it. And I think I did it nicely. Myra isn’t a bad person. I think she was just as unhappy as me, so I didn’t yell or anything. But she ended up yelling at me anyway. Told me I wasn’t thinking straight. That I was just sick and I didn't mean it.

You know she didn’t even ask me about my accident in Derry? When I got home she just kept hovering over me and fussing about airplane illnesses or being in the rain too long on the way home, or if I had taken my meds and… and - and I was stupid to leave her for that long where she couldn’t take care of me. And how I was going to have a scarred face and it’s my fault for leaving. It was so strange. And I realized that maybe all the fussing was for her sake and not actually about my well being this whole time...”

“Stitches over bitches,” Richie says because he doesn’t know how to properly respond to emotional conversation.

“That doesn’t even make sense, dipshit.”

“Sure it does. How are the stitches anyway?”

“Oh you mean since you asked yesterday? And the day before that? Shutup,” Eddie snapped. “_Anyway._ Honestly, I probably would have caved if I was still the old me. But I thought about what you said so I stuck to it, and she agreed to it. She’s not gonna fight it. So I think things should go relatively smoothly.”

“Cheers to that!” Richie cut in, raising his glass to his empty living room. He heard Eddie take another sip of his wine too.

“Maybe I can be happy now. Like I was when we were growing up or like I did last week seeing you all again.”

“I hope so, Eds. I was happy then too,” Richie says, thoughtfully. “Or as happy as you can be as a repressed gay teen in homophobic middle America in the 80s.” 

Eddie doesn’t say anything at first and Richie is worried that he made things awkward by bringing that up. But then so quietly Richie barely catches it, Eddie says “Are you happy now?” 

“Of course not,” Richie replies without hesitation.

Eddie snorts. “Yeah. Maybe none of us are. We’re all fucked up. In the hospital I realized I just felt numb.”

“That's probably because of all painkillers you were on.”

“No idiot, in my life. In New York. Everything about it. ” Eddie pauses. “Remembering you… and everyone… it really fucked up my stupid shitty life, you know? ”

“Eds - “

“New York doesn't feel like my home. Never did, don’t think.” 

“Oh. Why did you go to New York anyway? Don’t take this the wrong way, but it doesn't seem like your kind of place.”

“You know I’ve actually been thinking about that since being back here. Maybe it’s the alcohol talking but just tonight I think I figured it out. It was because of yooouuuu,” Eddie elongated the end, the alcohol now obviously starting to have more of an effect on his speech.

“What? _Me?_”

“Maybe cause I was only in Boston and close enough to Derry I had a lil bit of memories, you know? Like Mike said? Remember what he said? Gets hazier the further you get?”

“Yes….” Richie says, clutching his glass tighter. 

“After I graduated, I - I just had to go to New York. I couldn't remember you or exactly why I felt like I needed to be in New York. But…”

Richie finally realizes where Eddie was going with this and he hung his head, rubbing his eyes under his glasses. “We used to say we would end up there,” he all but whispers. “Together.”

Eddie hummed. “But I got here and there was nothing. And then I just... stayed.”

“Eddie…” Richie’s voice broke, not sure what he should say.

Eddie laughed, though it sounded a little sad. “I dunno. Maybe that’s stupid. Maybe that isn’t the reason I wanted to come here.”

Richie felt like he had been hit by a truck. The shock of realizing that Pennywise had robbed him of even more than he had originally thought made his eyes sting. Maybe if he had just stayed in New York he could have found Eddie. For a moment he allowed himself to imagine what the last two decades of his life could have been like with Eddie at his side. “I _was_ in New York, Eds. But I was only there for less than two years. Things were not great. I was really struggling. Like living with 6 roommates with nothing but a mattress on the floor kind of struggling. But I made a few connections and I was able to snag a job as a bartender at a comedy club in LA. It was an in. So I just… went.”

‘Shit.” Eddie laughs. ‘That suuucks.”

“Fuck, I’m sorry Eddie,” Richie says earnestly.

“Don be sorry” Eddie dismissed him, his words starting to slur a bit more. “You dint know.”

Richie just drank some more with his eyes squeezed shut. He heard Eddie yawn on the other end.

‘What if I moved to LA?” Eddie blurts out.

Richie froze. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Could they really do that? Could they have that? The idea was too much. It was too much to hope for. “You’re drunk, Eddie.”

“No! I mean, yes. I am. I am drunk. But… I want to be where you are,” Eddie says fiercely, breaking through the lazy drunk tone he had used just moments before. “You’re my real home.”

He knew Eddie was only saying these things because he was drunk and sleepy, but what was that saying people liked to swear by? A drunk mind speaks a sober heart? He decided to use a bit of that drunk confidence himself. 

”Come stay with me.”

As soon as the words were out of Richie’s mouth he realized just how much he wanted it to happen. It made sense. That was what he was missing. It was what he wanted.

“Oh,” Eddie breathed into the phone, sounding less confident now. “Really? You sure you don’t want me to just crash on your couch until I can find an apartment?”

“No!” Richie shouted. _Oh great. Super chill, Tozier._ “I mean, uh, you can just live here. With me. We can, like, live together. You and me. I have room. I wouldn’t mind.”

‘You and me,” Eddie echoed.

“Just like always,” Richie says, surprising himself with his own bravery.

“You might regret that once you see what living with me is like,” Eddie mumbles. “I’m like… a crazy person.”

“Pfft. I think I can handle a little Kaspbrak crazy. In fact I welcome it, Roomy.”

Eddie mumbled some noise of recognition and yawned.

“I don’t know,” Richie adds timidly, “I think you being here is a good idea. I think maybe… maybe you're like my home too.”

Richie heard Eddie’s intake of breath and he felt heat spread over his cheeks, and not just from the alcohol. 

“That's pretty real,” Eddie says simply.

“I told you, you bring it out of me.”

Eddie let a content sigh out through his nose but it quickly turned into another yawn.

“Eds, I think you need to go to sleep.”

‘Dun call me tha,” he mumbles, sounding like he was seconds away from being asleep already.

“Sure, Eds,” Richie murmurs quietly. There was no response.

When he heard Eddie’s breathing slow over the phone, Richie finally whispered, “Goodnight, Eds.”


	7. The Apartment

Three weeks and 25 fun facts later, Richie was standing at the Arrivals Gate of LAX, bouncing up and down on his toes.

The week that followed their drunken phone call consisted of a lot of texts back and forth. _Did you mean it? Should I do this? Are you sure? _

There was even one spontaneous phone call from Eddie where he skipped right over the hellos. Just an abrupt "is this crazy?"

And it was crazy. Absolutely certifiably crazy. And Richie could not wait.

The day that Eddie gave his two weeks notice for a transfer to Los Angeles, the countdown had begun.

Richie had thought those first days waiting for Eddie’s text dragged on… but they were nothing compared to the slow crawl of the last few weeks. They seemed to last a lifetime. Had time ever passed this slowly before?

As he anxiously searched the crowd for Eddie’s face, he got a text that said _Just got off the plane. See you soon._

Richie replied with _Fun fact: More than 84.56 million passengers fly through LAX every year._

_Gross. There are too many people on this Earth._

If he was being honest, Richie was very nervous. In fact, he was sure it was obvious he was anxious. Anyone who took one look at him would see his fingers nervously drumming on his thighs and his inability to keep his feet still. It was truly shocking that he hadn’t thrown up yet.

Richie was still bewildered by this whole situation. He could not believe this was real life. A month ago he didn’t even know Eddie existed and now he was standing in a crowded airport waiting for him.

He can’t believe he gets to have this. It was more than he could have ever hoped for. He had originally told himself knowing that Eddie was alive and having him back in his life would be enough. But now Eddie was divorced, talking to Richie every day, and dropping everything to come stay with him.

Richie replayed that thought over and over. Eddie was coming to live with him. With _him._ His favourite person in the world. What did he do to deserve this? The love of his life was coming to live with him. 

But a part of him was worried. He had this guilt at the back of his mind wondering if this was wrong. Eddie thought he was moving across the country to live with his best friend. An escape from his suffocating life with his old pal Richie there to stumble through it all with him. Meanwhile, he had no idea he was heading straight for a steaming pile of severe gay pining. Richie couldn’t help but wonder if that wasn’t a fair situation to put Eddie in.

But as long as Eddie didn’t find out… wasn’t hurting anyone, right?

At last, Richie’s eyes spotted Eddie in the crowd. He looked better than he had the last time Richie had seen him. Instead of glowing deathly pale, his usual colour had returned to his cheeks. In the hospital he had become a bit scruffy, but now he was clean shaven and his hair was neatly combed to one side. Richie watched as a man bumped Eddie’s shoulder, knocking Eddie off balance temporarily. His face instantly scrunched up into a scowl and he mouthed something that looked an awful lot like _asshole_. It was shockingly familiar to Richie, who had seen Eddie make the same face a thousand times as a kid.

When he got close, Richie gave an uncertain smile and a wave. He knew he was being weird. They had been so touchy the last time they’d seen each other. Maybe even too touchy. This shouldn’t be weird. But he was so wrapped up in the idea that Eddie was coming here under false pretenses that he was afraid of scaring him off with too much affection.

Richie was surprised to see that Eddie actually looked nervous too, his cheek muscles tense around his scar. But when he reached Richie he let go of his suitcase handle and practically threw himself into Richie’s arms. He was almost knocked off balance as he hugged Eddie back, breathing him in. He smelt clean, like always.

“Well hello there,” Richie says, smiling in earnest now.

Eddie pulls back and beams up at him, “Hey Trashmouth.”

“You shaved,” Richie points out.

“Oh,” Eddie says, surprised. “Uh, yeah. I don’t usually go more than a couple of days.”

“Too bad. Kinda liked the beard look.” _Jesus christ, this was off to a gay start already._ Before Eddie could respond, Richie raised his voice to an unnecessary level and said with too much enthusiasm, “Let’s get your bags, shall we?”

Eddie gestures to the small carry on he was dragging behind him and says “This is it.”

“Excuse me? Did you hit your head? Eddie Kaspbrak doesn’t move across the country with nothing but a dinky carry on.”

“Do you ever listen to anything I say?” Eddie elbows him and scowls that scowl of his. “I told you the movers are bringing my car and my belongings here in two days.”

“Eddie. You brought two full size suitcases packed to the brim and a goddamn toiletry bag to Derry.”

Eddie turned red and frowned at him. He threw his hands in the air and said “That was different! I panic packed! I didn’t know what I would need!”

Richie stood up straight and crossed his arms, like a parent catching their child in a lie.

Eddie sighed. “Fine! I’m trying something. This is a part of my attempt at a new life. I’m trying to change. Not worry so much. Not be so… so -”

“So Eddie?”

Eddie punches him in the arm. “Can we just go? I don’t need to spend any more time in this cesspool.”

“There he is,” Richie says, tossing an arm around Eddie’s shoulders and guiding him to the exit. “Welcome home.”

As Richie gives Eddie the tour of his apartment, he stands back trying to gauge Eddie’s reactions. First he showed him where he’d be staying in the guest room and watched Eddie look over the bedding, fluff the pillows and then make a content humming noise. Then he wandered through each room, touching the surfaces, opening cupboards and nodding his head every so often. Richie took that as a good sign.

He’d never tell him, but Richie had hired a cleaning service two days before to clean every nook and cranny of the place to try to impress Eddie.

“Is everything to your satisfaction?” Richie smirks at him from the other end of the kitchen.

Eddie turns to look at him and says “I expected worse.”

“Wow Eds, that was almost a compliment.”

Eddie nudges past him with a shit eating grin, settling in front of the windows. “Nice view though, I’ll give you that.”

“Oh this is nothing. You should see the view from the rooftop.”

Eddie whipped around. “_Rooftop?_”

Now it was Richie’s turn to grin. “Of course, Eds. This is the penthouse.”

Eddie rolls his eyes. “Of course you’re in the penthouse.”

“You mean _we_ are in the penthouse. This is your place too now.”

Eddie softens at that. Richie realizes the sentence came out more genuine than it did teasing so he pushes past it before Eddie can say anything.

“Let me present to you: la pièce de résistance,” Richie says in his best french voice, pushing Eddie out onto the balcony and leading him up the staircase.

When Eddie gets to the top, Richie hears him let out a surprised “Wow.” Richie grins. The rooftop was what sold him on the apartment in the first place. Eddie walked over to the edge to take the view in fully. From up here you could see a 360 view of the city, miles and miles of sparkling city lights. It was a stark contrast to the beach-lined ocean sprawling out alongside it.

Richie eyes him leaning on the railing, his hair gently blowing in the sea breeze. “You like it?”

“Oh I could definitely get used to this,” Eddie says, turning back to Richie with a smile.

Back in the living room, Richie flops himself into his lay-z-boy and says “Make yourself at home, Eds.”

“What if we didn’t call me that?” Eddie says, still standing.

“Nah.”

“I think I’m gonna go to bed anyway,” Eddie says instead of sitting. “It’s been a long day with the time difference and all that.”

“Oh okay, for sure. Let me know if you need anything.”

Eddie nods and says “Hey Rich, I just wanted to say - “

“I'm gonna stop you right there,” Richie puts his hands up. “I don't know if I can handle any more heartfelt conversations out of you. Who are you even? Were you always this cheesy?”

“Well sorrryyy,” Eddie says rolling eyes. “Trauma and the sudden onslaught of forgotten childhood memories will do that to a guy. What happened to that whole opening up and being real talk we had?”

“Okay yeah, but baby steps. Still got twenty plus years of habitual standoffishness built into my core.” 

“Just cause you’re emotionally stunted doesn’t mean I have to be.” Eddie crosses his arms, frowning at him.

“Alright fine,” Richie concedes, sinking back in his chair. “You can finish your thought and then you're done for the week. You’ve reached your quota.”

“I just wanted to say thank you... for everything. This is a huge change for me and it means a lot to me that you’ve been there for me through all this,” Eddie rattles on quickly. “And I’m actually really excited to live with you. And also you’re the best friend I have ever had. And also I’m glad I remember you now.”

Eddie’s words sent a warm tingling feeling through Richie, but he still draws his mouth into a straight line to stop his smile from showing. “Alright,” he says, “no more mushy shit, got it? You’re gonna make my brain short circuit.”

Eddie grins knowingly.

“Alright. Love you,” he says casually as he walks towards the hallway.

“Ugh, you're so gross.”

Eddie laughs loudly, but pauses to put his hands on his hips expectantly.

Richie sighs dramatically and says “Love you too, I guess…. bro” he adds as an afterthought.

“Thanks!” Eddie says cheerfully, then disappears down the hall.

“Idiot!” Richie calls after him for good measure.

“Dumbass!”

\---------

That night Richie dreamt of what he saw in the Deadlights. He wakes up with the image of Eddie’s blood stained torso burned into his eyelids.

He groaned and rolled himself out of bed, shuffling out to the living room. He shoved his glasses on his face and then stopped dead in his tracks when he spotted Eddie rummaging around the kitchen, already fully dressed and put together.

It wasn’t like he’d forgotten Eddie was there, but it was still a lot to take in so early in the morning and so soon after seeing him in his dream.

“Good mo - “ Eddie began, but stopped when he saw the look on Richie’s face. “What happened? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

He might as well have.

“Nothing,” Richie says too quickly.

“Don’t lie to me.”

“I’m not.”

“Richie why the fuck are you being weird?” Eddie snaps.

“I have dreams, okay?” Richie shouted. “And sometimes…. Sometimes they’re not good.”

“I have nightmares too,” Eddie says quietly.

“This time it was… what I saw… about you.”

“Oh. That.”

“It just hit me that you weren’t supposed to survive,” Richie swallows. “But now you’re here… in my kitchen. It’s just crazy. That’s all. Life is crazy.”

It strikes Richie again that this was his real life. Eddie was alive and he was _here._

"I'm glad you're not dead."

Eddie is silent for a moment then says, “Maybe you _were_ supposed to see that in the Deadlights and because of that maybe I was _was_ supposed to survive. Ever think of that?”

Richie, who still hasn’t moved, mumbles “Maybe.”

“Does this mean you’re back on board with opening up to me?” Eddie asks, breaking the tension with his usual shit eating grin.

That successfully snaps Richie out of his stupor. “Absolutely not. Moment of weakness. You took advantage of me. You better be making me a coffee too, you freeloader.”

The first day with Eddie wasn’t particularly eventful. Eddie still had some things to sort out from New York so he spent quite a bit of time on the phone or laptop, changing addresses and bills and updating personal information.

Richie helped him empty out the closet in the guest room to make room for Eddie’s things that would be arriving the next day.

They went for a quick drive around the neighbourhood to give Eddie a feel for the area. He showed him the closest grocery store, where to get gas, the coolest coffee spots.

When night fell, they found themselves in the living room with an elaborate spread of Thai food, with Richie lounging in his usual la-z-boy while Eddie got comfy on the couch, his feet propped up on the coffee table.

Richie was flipping through Netflix options while shovelling noodles into his mouth.

“Make it a good one,” Eddie pipes up, “Because I’ve been thinking…”

Richie sets the remote down and looks at him impatiently. 

“Remember when we were kids and every time you came over my mom would always be in that la-z-boy watching tv?” Eddie grimaced at the memory. “I used to swear to myself I would never end up like that. But I did. I would go to work, exercise, go home, eat a boring dinner, then watch mindless tv to run out the clock. Every day.”

Richie didn’t say anything. Eddie’s description sounded an awful like his own life. Minus the exercise bit. 

“As much as I like the idea of just lounging with you…” Eddie continued. “I want to make this new start count. I mean, I almost died. All of us could have. I want to do better. I want to _live._"

_Live._

Hadn’t that been what Richie had been trying to do since returning from Derry? Get his shit together and live a better life? An attempt at self improvement? What Eddie was asking of him was more than fine. Live better _and_ do it with Eddie? Absolutely.

Richie just blinks at him and says “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yeah. Okay,” Richie says it with a smile. Eddie smiles back.

“But for now I’m gonna force you to watch Face/Off,” Richie says matter of factly, picking up the remote again. “Adventures can start first thing tomorrow. And by first thing I mean noon.”

“Face/Off? Are you kidding me Richie?”

“Hey, you choose to cut back on TV, I choose what we watch. That’s the rules.”

"I didn't survive a demon clown assault so that I could spend my nights watching the abomination that is Face/Off."

"Sure looks like you did, bud."

Eddie flips him off and settles into the couch cushions with a sigh.

As the movie starts to play Eddie says “You know… I wouldn't say no to getting a second la-z-boy though. For the times we do relax. That one looks very comfy.” 

\---------

Eddie had an entire week before he started his new job at the LA branch of his company. Richie took it upon himself to fill that week with as much as he possibly could in the name of fresh starts. 

Richie’s first big idea was to take Eddie on a Celebrity House & Hollywood Sign Tour. He thought for sure Eddie would rip him a new one for suggesting such a lame activity, but he was wrong. Eddie loved it. Eddie dragged Richie to the top of the double decker bus for the best view, tour brochure in hand. He was buzzing with energy, bouncing in his seat. Every so often he would nudge Richie and point enthusiastically at something. It was infectious. Richie, who was no stranger to meeting celebrities, soon found he was equally excited and joined Eddie in oohing and awing at some of the names the tour guide was dropping.

There were of course the boring moments when they had to unpack Eddie’s boxes or Richie had to leave for work meetings. Usually while Richie was gone Eddie would find something to clean or organize or, much to Richie’s disgust (and peaked curiosity), would go for runs. Aside from that, Richie would take Eddie out.

Richie took him to the best ice cream place in Los Angeles. Eddie chose a cone almost as big as his head. He didn’t even complain when it melted down his hand. 

He took him to his favourite taco place and watched Eddie’s face light up with the first bite.

“I never eat things like this,” he said mid bite.

And with that, Richie incorporates cooking into his Eddie entertainment plans. He decides he wants to introduce all different types of cuisine to Eddie to see what he likes and for him to experience it for the first time. Richie told him he needed to “branch out.” From the sounds of it, most of his dinners in New York had been boring meat n’ potato type of meals. 

Eddie is suspicious of some of the things he puts in front of him, but he always tries them. Even the ones full of gluten or spice. He tears up trying to swallow the spicy Indian food that Richie prepares for him, but he insists that he actually does like it. He finishes his entire plate despite having to wipe at his eyes and forehead with a napkin throughout.

When Richie comes home from work meetings, Eddie asks about them. He admits to having seen a bunch of Richie’s stand up and was curious about the behind the scenes stuff. How much time is involved? How do they decide what works? Who writes his jokes?

Richie decides to admit to Eddie that he was writing his own work now and that’s why there had been so many meetings. 

Eddie just says “Good. Your jokes suck now.”

He doesn’t tell him that the reason it even occurred to him to change that aspect of his career was because Eddie had called him out at the Jade of the Orient.

They get lunch with Bill. As much as Richie loved spending time with Eddie alone, he absolutely loved watching him interact with their friends, even if most of the laughs were at Richie’s expense. He watches them fall over each other with laughter and his heart swells with love for the two of them. Not that he’d ever tell them that.

While Eddie is in the washroom, Bill leans forward with raised eyebrows and says “So. You’re living together.”

“Yeah. I told you that.”

“So you’re like… what? Roommates?”

Richie doesn’t like where this conversation is going. He takes a bite out of his burger and says with a full mouth, “Yeah. Adult roommates are in now.”

Bill says “Sure, Rich,” with a wink. Richie glares at him as Eddie takes his seat back at the table.

One day Richie comes home with a huge box under his arm.

When Eddie asked him what it was, Richie said with a huge smile “A hammock. I saw it in a window display and thought of you Eddie Spaghetti.”

The two of them set it up on the rooftop and Richie immediately flung himself into it. Like clockwork, Eddie climbs into the other side. They fight over how to get comfortable for awhile, they’re bigger than they used to be and don’t fit quite the same anymore. When they finally settle, Eddie kicks Richie’s glasses off his face. Richie’s grabs his foot and tickles it.

They spend a few evenings like that.

Richie maybe had the best week of his life. He was on an absolute high. The emptiness that he felt his entire adult life all but disappeared. When Eddie filled the space in his apartment he had also filled that missing space in Richie. 

He felt like he was back in the good ol’ days, but better. Every day he was able to make Eddie laugh or push his buttons to make him fight back. Richie craved attention from him, and he got it. They did everything together, just like when they were kids. He had his best friend back.

Except he just so happened to also be very much in love with him and every time he looked at him he also felt like his chest might explode.

He catches himself staring at Eddie more than he’d like to admit. It’s so hard not to. Getting to know this adult Eddie only reinforced how in love with him he was. Learning all his new habits and tendencies and seeing how they were the same or how they were different from the old ones became like a hobby for Richie. He was in awe of him. How could one person be so fun and yet so boring? How could someone be so angry and yet so full of childlike wonder? How could he be so smart and yet so irrational? How could one person be so sexy and still so dorky?

One of Eddie’s first mornings in the apartment, Richie had walked into the bathroom to find Eddie leaning over the counter flossing in nothing but a tight t-shirt and _very_ fitted briefs. Richie choked on the glass of water he had been chugging.

Eddie had pulled the floss string out of his mouth and looked over his shoulder at Richie, who was sputtering and looking at him like a deer in the headlights. 

“_What?_” Eddie spat, annoyed.

Richie’s eyes flicked down to Eddie’s underwear clad bottom and his bare muscular thighs and gulped. “Oh nothing,” he finally managed to get out. “Just haven’t seen this look on you for awhile. Good to see you’re keeping the booty short industry alive.”

Eddie smirked and turned back to the mirror. “Quit checking me out, Tozier,” he said with a wink. Was he trying to give Richie a heart attack?

“You definitely take after your mom’s ass.”

"This is why people beep beep you, Richie," he growled back, kicking the door to slam it in Richie's face.

Thirteen year old Richie would have died if he could see what that small boy would end up looking like in short shorts all these years later. It was something right out of his childhood fantasies.

So yeah. He can’t help but look at him. Everything Eddie does makes Richie want to look. Sometimes Eddie looks back. In the moments that Richie can’t tear his eyes away quick enough, they just look at each other. It was the same look Richie had seen on Eddie’s face their last summer in Derry. It makes his heart beat even more intensely every time.

It was crazy to think he had gone so long without feeling like this. For 23 years, he had been living a half life. Never finding what was missing. He knew now it was Eddie. It was Eddie looking at him like that. Even if he couldn’t have him the way he wanted to, at least he could have this. He wouldn’t be alone and miserable. 

He hadn't been exaggerating when he said that Eddie was his home. He felt at home for the first time since moving out of Derry. Moreso, even.

He wanted Eddie to feel that way too. So in between all the other ideas he thought up, he came up with one special plan.

“Hey Eds,” he said, “don’t make plans for Saturday night.”

“Who the hell would I make plans with?” Eddie says automatically. Then narrows his eyes at Richie. “Why?”

“I’ve got something rad planned for you.”

Richie had spent the better part of the week formulating exactly how he wanted to execute his throwback evening. It had been on his mind since that drunken phone call with Eddie. What had Eddie been like in college? He missed such a critical part of Eddie’s life. They missed experiencing that whirlwind together. And Richie wanted to make up for it.

And so, Saturday afternoon Richie marched into the living room and tossed two vibrant patterned shirts on top of Eddie, who had been sprawled on the couch reading. 

“What the fuck is this?”

“Shirts.”

Eddie breathed in sharply through his nose and said through gritted teeth, “I know that, smart ass. What are they for?”

Richie smiled. “For college. In the 90s.”

Eddie just looked at him confused, eyes flitting between him and the rumpled shirts.

“We missed the fuckery that was our college years. Which is an absolute travesty. I need to see Party Eddie. We’re going to do everything we would have done had we been together in college.”

“Abso-fucking-lutely not.”

“Oh this is not up for discussion.”

“I’m forty years old! I can’t act like a college student!”

“Edward Kaspbrak,” Richie shouted, grabbing the larger shirt. “Don’t give me that shit. These are the rules. Tonight you will become one with Party Eddie. You will hold nothing back.” He tugged his shirt off and traded it for the 90s style one. He noticed Eddie’s eyes trail down to his chest at the same time that the fight left his eyes. He tried not to think about that as he went on, now dressed in a baggy short sleeved button up covered in bright blobs of colour. “Tonight you become this role. You are 21 years old. You are in college. We are in college. And it’s party time.”

Eddie gaped at him, mouth open. Richie snapped his fingers at him. 

“Okay, okay!“ Eddie sighed, reaching for the other shirt. “Just so you know, you look like the fucking Prince of Bel Air. And also I hate you for this.”

“You’ll see. You’re gonna love this. Party Eddie is coming out to play.”

Eddie groaned and he stood up, pulling his polo over his head. He turned back to the couch to place his neatly folded shirt down. Richie had a split second thought of _ oh shit shirtless Eddie_ before his eyes fell on the scars cutting across his back for the first time since the hospital. They’d still been raw and straining against the stitches then, but now they were a pale pink and healed. But they were _thick_. Much wider than Richie expected them to be. There were three large sections where Eddie’s skin had been torn the deepest, spreading up his back and around his shoulder. They were all lined with little dots where the stitches had held him together.

Without realizing Richie had taken several steps closer to Eddie, so that when Eddie turned back around, pulling the shirt up his arms, they were nearly standing chest to chest. Eddie froze and made a surprised noise but he didn’t back away. Richie tore his eyes away from the scar he could see peeking over his shoulder and looked into Eddie’s eyes, searching. 

Eddie realized what Richie had been looking at. “Sorry,” he says sheepishly, shrugging the shirt fully over his shoulders. “I forgot about that.”

Richie reached a hand up to his shoulder and hovered over it “Does it hurt?” he asked, his voice hoarse.

“N-No. Not at all anymore. My shoulder is just stiff sometimes.”

The two of them stood there, inches between them, neither taking their eyes off of the other. 

“Um,” Eddie finally says, breaking the silence. “What are we doing first?”

Richie comes back to himself and drops his hand, looking away.

“We get high and play video games.”

Eddie burst out laughing, throwing his head back. It makes Richie smile too. “Are you serious?”

“I’m always serious,” Richie says.

“I can’t believe you just said that with a straight face.”

Richie wiggles his eyebrows and pulls a single joint out of his back pocket.

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Eddie says, eyeing the thing.

“Don’t act like you’ve never smoked before. I’ve seen it with my own eyes. You gonna commit or not?”

Eddie frowned at him and then swiped the joint out of Richie’s hand and marched past him and out to the balcony.

Richie followed him and the two of them giggled like they were rebellious teens doing something they shouldn’t while they tried to light it. Eventually they managed to get it going. It had been a very long time since either one of them had done this, and it made them feel young and giddy. They were laughing long before the weed kicked in.

They sat cross legged on the living room floor playing Nintendo 64. Richie had dug the old thing out of storage. They spent the afternoon playing all the different multiplayer games that Richie still had, laughing, yelling and shoving each other. Richie could just imagine that this is what it would have been like had they been together in college. Just the two of them being dumb kids doing dumb kid things in some dorm room.

Afterwards they ordered a pizza that the two of them scarfed down at an alarming speed. They collapsed onto the couch, laying on opposite ends, their legs intertwining.

They lay there in silence just digesting the pizza for awhile. Eventually Eddie perked up and said “What’s next?”

Richie lifted his head off the pillow to meet Eddie’s excited eyes. “Next? Next we pregame.”

Eddie laughed again. “Oh god, we are too old for this.”

“Um. Excuse me? You’re 21. Get your head in the game.”

Richie untangled his legs from Eddie’s and went to pull every bottle of liquor he had out of the cabinet. Eddie’s eyes widened, but he didn’t say anything. Maybe he was taking the method acting seriously.

“What’s your poison?” Richie says, sweeping his hand over the bottles.

Eddie shrugs and says “You choose.”

Eddie had no idea what he was in for.

Richie and Eddie threw back several shots in between their bickering and banter as the sun disappeared behind them, to be replaced with the dark night sky.

“Well,” Richie finally says, “Now that you’re all pre-liquored up on the free stuff available, because you’re a poor college student, are you ready for the next step?”

Eddie’s only reaction was to look at him apprehensively through foggy eyes.

The next step was a bar. A classic rowdy cheap college bar.

They stick out like a sore thumb. Everyone there was less than half their age and all of them seemed to be wearing similar plain t shirts or plaid button ups. As soon as they walked in they could feel eyes on them. Richie didn’t blame them. He would do the same thing if he saw these two old guys who looked like they were wearing rainbow vomit waltz in. 

Eddie didn’t seem to mind one bit. He laughed and grabbed Richie’s arm, dragging him over to the bar for drinks. 

They find a spot on the corner of the bar after they’ve ordered their shitty drinks and they turn to look at the dance floor. He supposes the people there are supposed to be dancing to the horrendous pop music that’s blaring. But they're all pushed up against each other and all seem to be writhing around as one. Richie can spot half a dozen that look like they’re already about to throw up the contents of their stomachs.

Richie makes eye contact with Eddie and they both smirks, thinking the same thing.

“This music sucks,” Richie yells in Eddie’s ear over the noise.

“It does,” Eddie yells back.

“These drinks suck.” Eddie nods, bobbing to the music despite himself. “These _people_ suck.”

Eddie laughed again. “You’re not wrong.”

“I have a better idea,” He downs his drink and slams his empty glass down on the bar. Once Eddie does the same thing, he grabs Eddie’s arm to head back through the crowd. He feels Eddie’s arm slide out of his grasp and is quickly replaced by Eddie’s hand in his. Richie pauses for a second to look back at their interlocked hands and then up at Eddie. Eddie smiles at him and nods. Richie pushes on through the crowd.

As soon as they’re out the doors, Richie drops Eddie’s hand. Eddie is already laughing.

“Oh my god. What _was_ that?” he gasps.

“That, my dear Eddie, are the youths.”

“Maybe we don’t have to intermingle with the _youths_ to pretend we are reliving our youth, yeah?”

“I couldn’t agree more. Let’s go back to the apartment for a proper good time, yes? And I don’t mean my dick.”

Eddie actually laughs and Richie is delighted. Drunk Eddie seemed to think Richie was funnier than normal.

They walk home instead of getting a cab, and they stumble and laugh all the way there, making jokes at the bar’s expense. When they burst through the apartment door, Richie immediately jumps on the couch with his shoes still on. Eddie looks horrified.

“I now present to you: Take Two of Party Eddie takes 90s LA,” Richie shouts like an announcer. He pulls out his phone and opens Spotify.

_Oh baby, baby. How was I supposed to know?_

_ _The sound of Britney Spears fills the apartment and Eddie’s jaw drops._ _

_ _“You’re joking,” he says._ _

_ _“The playlist wants what it wants. I have no control over it.”_ _

_ _“You have a playlist?”_ _

_ _“I chose one called 90s Party Hits.”_ _

_ _Richie looked down at Eddie from atop the couch and then very suddenly broke into loud singing using his hand as a microphone “My loneliness is killing me, and I-I-I must confess I still believe. _Still believe_.”_ _

_ _“Richie - “_ _

_ _“When I’m not with you I lose my - Eds I know you know the words,” Richie adds, jumping down from the couch and approaching him. _ _

_ _“No,” Eddie says, failing to hide his smile._ _

_ _Richie falls to his knees and points a finger at Eddie as he belts “Give me a siiiiiggggn”_ _

_ _And then the two of them shout together “Hit me baby one more time!”_ _

_ _The night goes on like that, the two of them shouting the lyrics to the songs that would have dominated all the parties during the mid 90s. It was an entire era of music they never got to share, but had both been listening to from different parts of the country. It doesn’t take long for Richie to notice that Eddie doesn’t know the words to most of the grungy songs, but is very familiar with the pop songs. He absolutely butchers Smells like Teen Spirit. Naturally, Richie makes fun of him for it._ _

_ _While singing, they attempt some other college age activities. They try to play beer pong “like the new teens do” but it turns out that they are very bad at it. But that may have been because they were more focused on getting the lyrics right to Chumbawumba and Shania Twain._ _

_ _They jump around the living room to Kriss Kross and then make absolute fools of themselves trying to dance to Can’t Touch This. Eddie laughs so hard he falls over, gasping for air on the floor, tears streaming down his face._ _

_ _Richie challenges Eddie to an arm wrestling rematch. He loses over the sounds of Counting Crows. Which is a shock to no one. He has to take another shot as his punishment._ _

_ _It's the most fun Richie has had in years. _ _

_ _After a string of songs that they both sing along to while utilizing the full space of the living room with their wild movements, they’re standing face to face singing the words to Beck’s Loser. Eddie told him that he used to listen to the song obsessively and never knew why. It made more sense now._ _

_ _As the song ends, the next starts up with slow orchestral music and Richie freezes. It was Aerosmith’s Don’t Want to Miss a Thing. _ _

_ _“This doesn't sound like a party,” he says. “This sounds like an awkward school dance.”_ _

_ _Eddie looks at him with big eyes and Richie can’t look away. “We didn't really go to many of those either, did we?”_ _

_ _“No. We never wanted to,” Richie says, painfully aware that Eddie is still standing very close to him while the romantic music bounces around his head._ _

_ _Eddie blinks up at him. “Why not?”_ _

_ _“Eddie, I was a very closeted gay kid,” Richie spits out. Every time he says it out loud, it’s a little easier. “A school dance was akin to torture. I cannot think of a worse place to be. I just made up excuses not to go.”_ _

_ _Eddies eyes soften and he smiles lightly. Then he takes Richie’s hand and puts the other on his waist._ _

_ _Richie tries to pull back and says “wha - what are you doing?”_ _

_ _“Dancing, silly.” Eddie ignores his struggling and holds on tighter. _ _

_ _Richie lets himself relax and very hesitantly puts his free hand on Eddie’s arm. “Did you just call me silly?”_ _

_ _Eddie giggles. Richie thinks drunk Eddie is adorable._ _

_ _“This is very cheesy. You really are a cheese ball.”_ _

_ _“I am,” Eddie says as he spins Richie around without warning._ _

_ _The movement makes Richie’s stomach flip and takes his breath away. No one had ever danced with him like this. Richie looks at him with wide eyes. ”What did I say about the cheese?”_ _

_ _Eddie giggles again. “This is who I am Richie! So shut the fuck up and dance.”_ _

_ _Richie huffs a laugh and then dips him. Eddie shrieks and then bursts into more giggles. It’s the best sound Richie has ever heard. _ _

_ _As the chorus picks up they start spinning around and around. They take turns twirling each other by the hand. They bump each other’s shoulders like they’re doing some sort of salsa and neither can stifle their laughs. They spin some more, stepping on each other’s toes._ _

_ _Richie dips Eddie again. When he pulls him back up, Eddie has a different look in his eye that stops Richie’s laugh in his throat. Eddie slowly moves both his arms around Richie’s neck and pulls himself closer. Without really thinking about it, Richie snakes his arms around Eddie’s waist and lets his hands rest there. They sway slowly in spot with their cheeks pressed lightly together. They both close their eyes, no longer laughing. They’re quiet as they hold onto each other, the atmosphere changing completely._ _

_ _As the song begins to fade, Eddie is the first to pull back and look at Richie, his arms still around his neck. Richie stays stock-still gazing back at Eddie. His eyes flash down to Eddie’s lips and back up. His heart is pounding. He swears Eddie is getting closer._ _

_If it hadn’t been for Cotton Eye Joe, I’d been married a long time ago._

_ _The next song was so loud that it made Richie and Eddie jump apart, ending the moment. Richie hung his head, shaking it. “I’m very drunk,” he mumbles, walking away from Eddie and into the kitchen without looking back._ _

_ _\---------_ _

_ _The first thing Richie is aware of when he wakes up the next morning is the blinding light coming in through his window. He can see it’s his bedroom window because he fell asleep with his glasses on._ _

_ _The second thing he realizes is that he is not alone. His arm is wrapped around Eddie’s waist and trapped under Eddie’s own arm. Richie’s chest is pressed tight against Eddie’s back and Eddie’s legs are curved around the shape of his. _ _

_ _In all the times they'd shared a bed as kids, they'd never woken up in this position. This was a whole new level of intimacy for them. _ _

_ _Richie lifted his head to look around, careful not to wake Eddie. He could see comic books spread haphazardly around the bed and he vaguely remembered pulling out the box in his closet to show Eddie all the comics he still had. They must have fallen asleep while looking at them._ _

_ _They’re still in their ridiculous clothes from the night before and they were laying on top of the covers._ _

_ _Under his arm, Eddie starts to stir. Richie panics. He’s not ready to deal with Eddie catching them in this position. Before he has a chance to move Eddie opens his eyes and peers up at Richie._ _

_ _Richie frantically goes to pull his arm back with a mumbled “sorry,” but Eddie grabs his hand sleepily and holds it there. Richie stops breathing._ _

_ _After a yawn Eddie closes his eyes again and he says “I don’t remember the last time someone cuddled me.”_ _

_ _Richie stares down at him, still only inches away. “What? But you were married.”_ _

_ _Eddie squeezes Richie’s hand tighter. Richie thought he might pass out. “Myra and me… we weren't like that. It wasn't really an affectionate relationship. If she touched me it was more to, like, fuss over me.”_ _

_ _Just like his mom. Always fussing over Eddie under the guise of love, but there was no tenderness. His mother had always treated him like something to manage and control, not something to love._ _

_ _“Eddie,” Richie sighs, “don't take this the wrong way... but your marriage was so fucked up.”_ _

_ _“Ugh I am so aware.”_ _

_ _They fall into a comfortable silence. Richie lays there feeling Eddie breathe against him, feeling him move against him. Just… feeling him._ _

_ _A big part of him is pleased that Eddie never did this with his wife but he is doing it with Richie. He's wanted this his whole life. To be with Eddie like this. But... he's not _with_ Eddie. And Eddie doesn't realize what this means to Richie or what's going through his mind. Surely he wouldn't still want this if he knew. Surely he would never touch Richie again if he knew._ _

_ _With much effort Richie brings himself to say, “Alright I will let you use me for my body for five more minutes but then I gotta rock a major piss.”_ _

_ _“Ugh gross,” Eddie scoffs._ _

_ _Richie continues on as if he hasn’t heard Eddie. “Drain the snake. The main vein. Sprinkle my tinkle - “_ _

_ _“Richie - “_ _

_ _“- Maybe even take the Browns to the Superbowl.”_ _

_ _Eddie throws Richie’s hand away from him and shouts “Alright, that's enough. Get the fuck out of here you turd,” as he kicks Richie away._ _

_ _Richie jumps out of the bed, sending a few comic books crashing to the floor, and then bounds into the hallway in just a few strides. _ _

_ _He calls back down the hall, “Those hangover poops are a bitch!”_ _

_ _As soon as he’s in the bathroom, he shuts the door behind him and slides down to the floor. He lets out all the pressure he'd been holding in with one long shaky breath._ _

_ _Maybe living with Eddie was going to be harder than he thought._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to say thank you so much for reading! This is the first story I have written in 10 years and definitely the longest thing I've ever written. I had no idea it would turn out to be so time consuming :P
> 
> After I saw It Chapter 2, I could not stop thinking about Richie and Eddie's story, so I took matters into my own hands and rewrote the ending for my own sanity. It's been fun, so again, thank you! :)


	8. The Confusion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to split this chapter into 2. Didn't feel right having both parts together.  
That means there's one more coming!
> 
> Spoiler: Richie's an idiot.

Monday morning Richie wakes up early to see Eddie off on his first day of work. _Like the good housewife he is _he thinks as he stumbles into the living room.

He hears rather than sees Eddie in the kitchen. He’s slamming doors and spewing a whole myriad of swear words under his breath.

“Well aren’t you a ray of fucking sunshine,” Richie says, leaning against the counter. 

Eddie spins around at record speed, eyes wide and panicky. “Do not start with me right now,” he warns.

Richie looks him up and down and takes in his work look. He’s wearing fitted slacks and a smart tie. Richie grins. “Well don’t you look cute.”

“Richie,” Eddie seethes, turning away to assault more cupboards, “I don’t fucking need this from you right now. Now where the fuck - “

“Woah, hey hey hey,” Richie says gently. He approaches Eddie and places a steady hand on his lower back and holds it there. Eddie freezes and stops shouting instantly.

“It’s okay,” Richie says softly, “Just breathe.”

He feels Eddie relax under his hand as he relinquishes his hold on the cupboard handle. He takes a few breaths in and closes his eyes. 

Eventually Eddie says “Tupperware.”

Without breaking their connection, Richie reaches a toe out to open a drawer, revealing a mountain of mismatched plastic containers. “Tupperware at your service, sire,” he says in his worst British voice, picking one up and handing it to Eddie. Then in a more serious voice, “Hey man, don’t worry. You’re gonna do great today. You’re Eddie fucking Kaspbrak. Ain’t no risk analysis you can’t handle. You can do anything.”

Eddie looks up at Richie with a sudden warm expression in his eyes. “Thanks Richie,” he murmurs, leaning into Richie’s arm.

Richie waits a moment, letting the silence of the morning hang over them. Then, as usual, he breaks it. “Well, knock ‘em dead, champ,” he gives Eddie’s back a slap and then pulls away to get himself some coffee.

\------------

With Eddie finally working, the two developed somewhat of a routine. Sometimes the domesticity of it all overwhelmed Richie. Who knew that so many conversations about laundry could be so exciting? Because it turns out when you live with someone, you tend to have the same mundane conversations over and over again. Whose turn is it to start a load of laundry? Did you take the garbage out? What are we eating for dinner tonight? 

Richie loved it. It was all new to him and yet it felt so familiar. Had things been this way for two days or twenty years? 

His apartment starts to look like _their_ apartment. There were clear signs of Eddie everywhere. 

The shelves were less haphazard now. Eddie had somehow managed to take what was already there, combine it with his own books and knick knacks, and somehow make it more tidy than before.

There were now photos pinned up on their fridge. Next to the old photo of Richie and his sister there was now a selfie of Richie and Eddie at Santa Monica Pier, the ferris wheel behind them. There was a photo of Bev and Ben on a yacht that Bev had sent them. During one of their lunches with Bill and Audra, Richie had snapped a group photo of them all. That one was up there too. There was one of Mike on a beach, pina colada in hand. Richie’s favourite photo, though, was the one of Stan as a kid, sitting on a porch frowning at the camera. Bill had managed to find that in his parents’ house.

The right side of the bathroom counter was now occupied by a plethora of toiletries. There were bottles and containers of all different sizes and colours. An entire section dedicated to oral hygiene. Richie didn’t even know what half of them were for. Richie’s side of the counter consisted of a toothbrush, toothpaste, and deodorant. 

As expected, Eddie was super anal about how things should be cleaned. Richie suspected that was the “crazy person” part of him that Eddie had warned him about. But instead of it annoying Richie, he actually loved it. He got to see Eddie’s scowling face as he ranted about cleaning product brands while scrubbing some stain that had offended him, and he now had an impeccably clean home. It was a win win situation.

The apartment had never felt more homey. Richie was happy to come home to it every day.

They buy a second la-z-boy to match Richie’s. Eddie sets it up right next to his so that when they settle in for movie nights there is only the arm rests separating them. Richie is both grateful and displeased that the barrier exists.

Sometimes they spend quiet evenings in the rooftop hammock. There was no barrier to protect Richie from his feelings for Eddie there. Richie is always the first to get into the hammock, and then Eddie climbs in after him, tangling their limbs the same way they did as kids. Richie didn’t have the balls to be the one to do it. He couldn’t bring himself to be the one that pressed his bare legs against Eddie’s, but Eddie didn’t seem to have a problem initiating that contact. Once they settle, they are usually quiet. Eddie reading some book while Richie scrolls through his phone, trying not to focus on Eddie’s skin.

Eddie starts going to therapy. He says he talks to someone to help him deal with his ongoing divorce and his mother and his near death experience and “other things.” Whatever that means.

He suggests Richie do the same but Richie would rather not have to speak to anyone about his feelings about anything. Ever.

“Why would I need a therapist when you’re already doing a fine job of pulling all my repressed trauma out of me?” he says to Eddie.

Eddie also has weekly physiotherapy appointments, so he actually is out of the apartment more than Richie expected him to be. That left Richie alone with his own thoughts quite often. He tried to busy himself with his own work during those times.

Eddie laughs more. He seems happier the longer he spends in LA. The longer he spends with Richie.

Richie was happier too. He really was. He had significantly less nightmares now. He was feeling good about the future of his career. Eddie made him laugh every day. Eddie made him feel appreciated every day. He was happy. Undeniably so.

He was also losing his mind.

Between the happiness Richie’s insides were being torn apart. 

He absolutely loved living with Eddie and seeing him every day, but sometimes it _hurt._

Every day the urge to touch Eddie became stronger. His body felt like it was physically being pulled towards Eddie’s and everything in him was screaming to fight that pull. And Eddie touching _him_ all the time certainly didn’t help.

He kept getting too close to Richie. Touching his hand. Looking at him. Hugging him. Grazing his shoulders with his fingertips when he walked past him. Sometimes Richie would automatically touch back, sometimes he would subtly recoil out of fear.

It was a weird sort of soft torture. Richie could only handle so much. How was he supposed to control himself with Eddie like this?

Eddie had started walking around the apartment in his underwear on a regular basis.

Eddie would sometimes wear Richie’s shirts. The ones he had taken with him to New York and never bothered to give back. Every time it would make Richie’s stomach swoop.

He was trying to not be the creepy best friend in love with his straight roommate, and it was like Eddie was teasing him on purpose. Flaunting it in front of him.

Living with Eddie was going to be the death of him.

It wasn’t that all the things Eddie was doing made Richie feel bad… it was that he felt too _whole._ He feels like he could burst. And it was terrifying. Because if he didn’t get a hold of himself, he could lose everything that was making him feel whole for the first time in his life.

So Richie did what he always did when they were younger. He couldn’t act on his feelings the way he only dreamed of, so he tried his best to make Eddie happy other ways. He continues to keep him busy with new adventures. He tries to stay one step ahead of Eddie to keep his anxieties at bay. He treats him the way he deserved to be treated.

While Eddie… tortured him.

Richie threw as many jokes at Eddie as he possibly could to try to ease the tension and keep space between them. Eddie just pushed through his nonsense and carried on with his assault on Richie’s emotions and physical body.

Once while Richie was prepping food in the kitchen, Eddie practically pressed his chest to Richie as he slowly reached across him for something in the cupboard. He left no space between them as he moved slowly, eyes meeting Richie’s and not looking away. He slowly lowered himself back to the ground, and smirked at Richie, still too close and looking too long. Richie couldn’t believe it was happening. 

And that was only the first time he did that to Richie. He made a habit of needing to grab something that was in Richie’s space often after that. It was mind boggling.

Richie tries to distract himself. He writes all the time. He schedules meetings with his team to keep his mind on other things.

They have frequent video chats with the other Losers. Everyone seemed to be doing just as well as Eddie and Richie were.

They still go out and find new things to do in LA all the time.

He convinces Bill to give them a tour of the movie set he was working on. Richie was worried Eddie might pee his pants with excitement.

They do the classic tourist stuff. 

They go for walks in different neighbourhoods. Eddie’s favourite was the Venice Canals. 

Richie takes Eddie to a nice restaurant but when they get there he realizes the atmosphere is too romantic. He spends the whole dinner telling bad jokes but Eddie manages to smile at him like he can do no wrong anyway. Richie swears to never go to an even remotely fancy restaurant with Eddie ever again.

Once Eddie suggests they spend the day at the beach and Richie practically yells “No!” in response. His poor weak heart couldn’t handle Eddie lounging in a bathing suit.

Eddie ends up convincing him to go for a hike at Bronson Canyon, and Richie has to say yes to make up for his suspicious reaction to the beach idea. But Richie wasn’t in nearly as good of shape as Eddie so he spent most of the hike trailing behind Eddie, with a view of his backside the whole way. It ended up being no better than a beach.

He took Eddie to Universal Studios. He thought that would be a safe place, where he couldn’t possibly have to keep himself in check. Not like in other places where he had to keep his hands glued to his side to prevent him from reaching for Eddie and doing something stupid. He was wrong. Eddie was pressed up against him on every single ride. Even the ones that had plenty of space for the both of them. Eddie’s side was always glued to his. It made him feel dizzy.

This went on for weeks. Day after day of Eddie flicking him or ruffling his hair. Kicking him in the hammock. Poking him all over. Resting his legs over Richie’s lap on the couch. Looking at him. Smiling at him. Being unbearably close.

Sometimes Eddie would come into Richie’s room on weekend mornings and hit him with a pillow shouting “Wake up fuckface.” Richie would open his eyes to the blurry sight of Eddie standing over him, a halo of morning light glowing around his hair, grinning down at Richie. With his guard down after just waking up, he just wants to grab him and kiss him.

The thing is even though he knows he needs to stay away, he wants more. His body constantly betrays him.

Sometimes the flirting, or whatever you wanted to call it, with Eddie felt like a thrill rather than a panic. He would get carried away with their banter and he’d forget to hold back. He’d suddenly find himself leaning closer to Eddie and Eddie leaning right back. His heart would beat faster and louder. He wouldn’t be surprised if Eddie could hear it. He would imagine what it would be like to lean forward and kiss him then too.

But it never happened.

Did Eddie know what he was doing to Richie? Was he torturing him on purpose? Was he being cruel? Was he just using him as a placeholder for affection? Why was he acting this way?

Sometimes the idea that maybe Eddie wanted _more_ with him too would flit across his mind but… no that can't be it. He had wondered that before and nothing ever came of it. He married a woman. He didn't want Richie. Why would he?

But the way he was acting like he could… maybe…

His mind was a constant back and forth. The same argument with himself over and over.

_Eddie married a woman._  
_But you also dated women. You’re gay._  
_He doesn’t like you like that._  
_But he’s always staring at you._  
_You can’t have it._  
_You’ll ruin it._  
_There’s too much too lose._

Sometimes the war in his head got so bad that he considered just telling Eddie. To just get it off his chest and end this torture. That would be the right thing to do, right? But then the same fear he’d always had came back. What if it scared him off and he lost all of these wonderful things that had come into his life? 

_Eddie wouldn’t reciprocate._  
_Eddie would be awkward._  
_Eddie would move out._  
_His apartment would be empty._  
_Eddie would stop talking to him._  
_Richie would die alone. _

His mind went wild with worst case scenarios. He wasn’t ready to risk it.

He was acting like a lovesick teenager. He knew it was pathetic. He tells himself that he’s his best friend. He should be happy that Eddie is alive. He’s alive and that’s enough.

So Richie holds his secret in. But every time Eddie gets too close or looks at him that _way_, my god does he want more.

\---------

It was a relaxed Sunday night and Richie and Eddie were curled up in their respective la-z-boys watching Star Wars. Richie had been adding his own crass commentary throughout the whole thing, much to Eddie’s annoyance.

“Richie, I swear to god if you don’t shutup, I will dump this bowl of popcorn over your head.”

“No you won’t. Think of all the grease that would get all over the chair and the floor. It would be worse for you than it is for me.”

“You wanna test that theory, asshole?”

Eddie lifted the bowl in his hands and then pretended to toss it in Richie’s direction, like someone trying to trick a dog into thinking they’d thrown a ball. Richie lunged forward and grabbed onto Eddie’s wrist. Eddie laughed, loud.

Richie looked at his laughing face and suddenly realized he couldn’t see the scar on his cheek. Because it was covered. By a beard. He must not have noticed the slow change seeing him every day. But now it seemed so obvious. It wasn’t just stubble… it was an actual beard. He distinctly remembers Eddie saying he keeps it clean shaven.

Richie froze, his hand still on Eddie’s wrist. “Um,” he says dumbly.

Eddie freezes too. “What?” he asks, looking worried.

“Your beard. You have a beard.”

Eddie smiles then, looking proud of himself. “Oh. Yeah!” He hesitates before saying, “You told me you liked it so… I decided to keep it this time.”

Eddie looks at him with an intense fire in his eyes, daring him to respond.

Richie just blinks at him, trying to process what Eddie was saying. Eddie was sitting here looking absolutely gorgeous with a beautiful dark beard, and it was apparently because Richie had said he liked how it looked. A beard for him. His brain felt like it was melting, trying to compute this information.

A loud explosion in the movie shook Richie out of his trance, and he released his grip on Eddie’s wrist. “Looks good,” he manages to choke out. He turned back to the tv screen and sunk as far into his chair as possible, still watching Eddie from the corner of his eye.

Eddie placed the bowl of popcorn onto the table before leaning back in his chair as well. Except he immediately readjusted so that his head was resting on Richie’s shoulder despite the awkward arm rests between them. He let out a content sigh.

Richie’s body tensed. He was freaking out. This was too much stimulation all at once. Weeks of being a bundle of nerves, too afraid to touch Eddie, and now he was just laying his head on Richie like it was nothing.

He stared down at their hands resting on their respective arm rests, mere inches between them. His hand itched to reach over and grab Eddie’s, but he couldn’t bring his body to move.

He knows he’s supposed to be watching the movie, but he can’t look away from their hands. He sees Eddie’s hand twitch, right before it slowly slides over towards Richie’s. His pinky lightly crosses over Richie’s pinky.

Richie’s breathing hitches, but he doesn’t move. He just keeps staring, still not comprehending what was happening.

Eddie must take that as permission to keep going, because he places his entire hand over Richie’s and links their fingers together. Richie can’t help but squeeze back.

Is this not what he’s wanted his whole life?

But then the voice at the back of his head repeats the arguments that he usually reserved for moments that he was alone. _You can’t have it. You'll ruin it. Too much to lose. You'll lose him._

He couldn't let this happen. He wanted nothing more than to sit here with Eddie like this, to pretend they were more than they were. But if they kept going like this he might do or say something he wasn't ready to risk.

He shoots up out of his chair, jostling Eddie off his shoulder. 

“I think I’m tired. I’m just gonna go to bed,” he says in a hurry, clenching his fists at his side. The movie is only halfway done.

“_Richie_” Eddie hisses, trying to steady his chair that was still rocking back and forth from the force of Richie’s exit. He looks mad. For real mad.

Richie pauses and looks back at Eddie’s angry face. He doesn’t know what Eddie wants. Or he does know. He apparently wants to hold his hand and cuddle. But what he doesn’t know is _why_.

“Richie,” he says again. “Rich, just stop. Listen - ”

Richie steps back and murmurs “Bed” again, rushing out of the room, leaving a confused and still angry Eddie behind.


	9. The Beginning

In the morning Richie hears Eddie bustling around the apartment while getting ready for work, but he doesn’t get up. He wasn’t ready to face him. He was embarrassed about last night. Not only for acting like a psycho and running away, but for what his actions might have given away. 

If Eddie didn’t know how he felt before, surely he did now.

When he finally hears the front door click shut, he tip toes over to his door and peeks his head out. Once he's sure the coast is clear, he finally leaves his room.

He’s restless. He paces the apartment. He sits in various chairs but can never stay in one for long. He needs to do _something_.

He thinks about how Eddie had suggested he go to therapy. Or at least how he said he should “talk to someone.” He picks up his phone and scrolls through his contacts. The phone rings a few times before the voice on the other end answers.

“Hello?”

“Bev? Are you free?” He’s sure he sounds nervous.

Richie can hear her smile in her voice when she says “I suppose I could spare some time for my favourite Trashmouth.”

“Hey wait, are you hanging out with other Trashmouths without me?” He jokes, forgetting why he called momentarily. “You know what nevermind. Can I actually talk to you about something serious?”

“Serious?” she says with a laugh, “I never thought I'd see the day.”

“Yeah, yeah. I just. I don't know what else to do. I thought maybe if I told someone… And I thought you were the best choice.”

“Naturally.”

Richie took a deep breath.

“Whatever you need, I'm here honey,” Bev says gently.

“Okay. I think - Um. Fuck. You know how I'm… gay?

He hears Bev hum over the phone.

“And… uh. You know how Eddie is living with me?”

“I do.”

Silence falls between them, both waiting for the other to speak.

Finally Richie groans. “Are you gonna make me say it?”

“I am,” Bev says, almost too cheerily. 

“I think that I… like Eddie.”

There was a long pause. "You _like_ Eddie?"

“Um…. Yeah?”

“Richie,” she says, obviously not satisfied with his confession.

“Alright! No. I love him. Okay? Is that what you want me to say?”

There it was. The big secret. It was out there now.

“Well no shit,” she says calmly.

Richie’s shoulders dropped. “Oh great, you already knew. So obviously I have been super chill and cool about it.”

Bev laughed. “Unfortunately you have not. Don't worry Rich, I think it’s sweet.”

“Well I'm glad someone's getting some joy out of my struggles.”

“Always.”

Richie hears some background noise and then Bev says something muffled to someone else in the room. Then she returns to their conversation. “Richie, I think you should tell him.”

Richie knew she would say that. Part of him had told her in the hopes that someone else could suggest the idea to him.

But still he says, “I can’t.”

“Why not? Have you seen the way he looks at you? He adores you. Every time we’re on video with you guys he spend half the time looking at you.”

Richie feels ridiculous butterflies in his stomach and maybe... hope? But he can’t express those feelings out loud. Just because Bev thinks Eddie could possibly have feelings for Richie doesn’t mean he actually does. “What? No. We’re just close. He doesn't feel that way. I'm his friend.”

“I'm not so sure about that,” she says. “At least think about it, honey. I think it's worth a shot. Okay?”

“I think you're wrong. But. Okay. I will think about it. Not because I think that anything will happen like you're saying. That's insane. You're insane.”

Bev made a noise somewhere between a laugh and a sigh. “You know Richie, you really are an idiot.”

“What else is new,” he grumbles.

“Okay I gotta go, I’m at work. I'm sorry. I'll talk to you later. I hope this helped.”

“Thanks Dr. Marsh,” Richie says before hanging up. 

\---------

Sometime in the afternoon he made his way up to the rooftop.

The same old argument was running through his mind. But this time he knew he couldn’t keep doing this. He was stressed. He was tired. He was a mess.

He obviously couldn’t push this feeling down. All attempts had failed. He had to make a decision. 

What if he followed Bev’s advice and just told Eddie how he felt?

He thought about all the times Eddie had willingly touched him, pressed up against him, brushed his arm, held his hand. The way he touched him all the time made it obvious he wasn’t disgusted by Richie. Maybe his reaction wouldn’t be as bad as Richie always imagined.

Maybe… maybe if he let himself really think about how Eddie looked at him… he could convince himself that there was a chance it would turn out better than expected.

Probably not. But the thought helped ease the sick knot in his stomach.

“Alright,” Richie says out loud to no one in particular.

_I’m gonna tell him._

_Today._

With that thought, Richie’s eyes start to droop. He was exhausted. He lets the gentle swinging of the hammock rock him to sleep.

It must be hours later when he wakes because when he opens his eyes it’s to Eddie standing over him. He was home from work already.

“Richie,” Eddie was saying gently, shaking his shoulder.

Richie scrambled to sit up, looking up at him with wide eyes. Facing Eddie had come faster than he had planned. He hadn’t prepared himself to see him so soon.

“Eds. You’re home,” he mutters. “You woke me from a steamy dream about your mom.”

“Unless my mom has a dick, I don’t think that’s true.”

Richie’s jaw actually dropped. He had not been expecting that. He had no idea how to respond to that. He just gaped at Eddie like a fish.

Eddie looked absolutely smug at rendering Richie speechless. Then he looked over Richie and the hammock like he was calculating something. He confirmed whatever thoughts he was having with a “hmm” and climbed into the hammock.

Except he didn’t just climb into his usual spot across from Richie. No. he squeezed himself in _next_ to Richie, so that their shoulders were crowded together.

“Move over, you big lump,” Eddie says, nudging Richie in the ribs.

“O - oh,” Richie stutters, before shimmying over a bit.

He had no idea what to do with his hands. He settled on clasping them together over his stomach. That seemed like a safe spot. Eddie however rested his hand over Richie’s arm and his temple on Richie’s shoulder.

“You have a good day?” Eddie asks him.

_No._

“Sure. Didn’t do much. You?”

_Tell him._

“It was okay. Ran into a few problems but they were all resolved by end of day.”

_Tell him now._

“Cool.”

Richie took a deep breath in. Eddie turned his head to face him, resting his chin on Richie’s shoulder.

“You okay?” he asks.

Richie turned his head to look at Eddie too. That was a mistake. They were so close their noses were almost touching. He could see every detail of Eddie’s eyes. Eddie’s beautiful worried eyes.

_Holy shit._

Neither of them moved. They just looked into each other’s eyes. Richie could feel Eddie’s breath on his face. It felt like time stood still.

_Do it now._

“Rich?” Eddie whispers.

_Nope._

_I can’t do this._

Maybe it was him who needed the bravery pep talk, not Eddie.

Richie sits up suddenly and says “I need a beer. I’m gonna get a beer.” He’s already climbing out of the hammock. 

“You want one?” he calls over his shoulder as he makes his way to the stairs as fast as he can. 

He needs more time. Just a little more time and _then_ he would tell Edde.

“God fucking damn it Richie.”

Eddie sounded mad. Like, very very mad. The tone made Richie stop dead in his tracks.

“What?” he chokes out without turning around.

“What do you mean what? You know what!” Eddie shouts. “What the fuck, man.”

Richie finally turns around and finds Eddie standing halfway across the rooftop flailing his arms at Richie like he always did when he got going. His face was red with anger and his shoulders were hunched.

“You gotta get out of your own head, Richie. Just stop. Stop fucking running. How are you this dense?“

Richie just blinked at him, absolutely dumbfounded.

“Stop being so afraid. You don’t need to be afraid anymore. You're so busy worrying that you're missing what's right in front of you!” Eddie finished his rant with both his hands up in the air, fingers spread wide and tense.

Richie swallows and says quietly, “What’s that…”

Eddie’s arms finally fall to his sides and his face softens. 

“Me.”

Richie stares at him with a stricken expression on his face. 

_He couldn’t mean… could he?_

Richie took a step closer as Eddie continued.

“I mean… I’ve been dropping so many hints. I’ve been trying to make it obvious. I’ve been making it obvious since I was 16 for fuck’s sake.” Eddie was maintaining eye contact with Richie but his voice was shaky, his anger fading. “I’m… I’m obviously in love with you. And I know - I know you want it too. Right? When we were kids, when we were teenagers, you felt it. It wasn’t - it _isn’t_ just me.” Eddie’s voice was getting quieter with every word. He seemed less sure of himself now. He swallowed. “You have to. Right? I didn’t imagine all this…”

Richie took a few more slow steps towards Eddie, with his head tilted like he couldn’t quite believe what he was hearing. His heart was beating wildly in his chest, despite the stunned expression still stuck on his face.

Eddie stood before him with his chest heaving, still looking right into Richie’s soul. 

“Just stop being such a pussy,” he whispers.

Something ignited in Richie and instinct took over. He closed the gap between them in two quick strides. He scooped Eddie up in his arms and kissed him hard. He grabbed him so forcefully that Eddie was actually lifted off the ground momentarily. Eddie let out a squeak when Richie’s lips crashed into his, but he recovered quickly to kiss him back with just as much force and enthusiasm.

Eddie pulled back long enough to snake his arms up Richie’s chest and tangle his fingers in Richie’s hair before Richie has his lips back on Eddie’s.

All Richie is aware of right now is Eddie. He burns everywhere that they touch. Eddie’s hands on his neck, in his hair, touching his face. Richie’s hands grasping at his back, their bodies pressed impossibly close together. Their noses bumping, Eddie’s lips sliding hungrily against Richie’s, sharing the air around them.

“You are so fucking stupid,” Eddie gasps against his mouth.

Richie releases his arms from around Eddie’s back and his hands fall to grip his hips instead. “I'm stupid? What about you! You're stupid! You didn't say anything either! This is a two way street -”

“I've been trying to show you!”

Richie tries to respond but Eddie shuts him up with another kiss.

Richie lets out a surprised moan and Eddie takes the opportunity to deepen the kiss, opening his mouth against Richie’s. Eddie’s tongue skims Richie’s bottom lip and the sensation shoots right through Richie. Richie does the same thing to Eddie and soon it’s like they’re fighting for each other’s mouths, not bothering to take the time to breathe. 

Richie can hardly believe this is actually happening. He was finally _finally_ kissing Eddie. He gives it everything he has. He tries to pour every emotion he’s ever had in the last three decades into kissing Eddie, hoping he can feel it too. 

Their hands are all over each other, trying to touch anywhere they can reach. They grab desperately at each other’s hair, face, hips, arms. Richie wanted it all. It seemed like Eddie wanted just as much. He was kissing Richie like he couldn’t get enough of him, gasping for more.

Kissing Eddie was the best thing Richie had ever felt. Maybe it was because he had thought about it so much and had waited so long to do it. Or maybe it was because it was the first time he’d been able to kiss someone he was in love with. Someone who he had loved his whole life. Someone who loved him back.

Richie smiles into the kiss at the thought of Eddie being in love with him, and he feels waves of happiness wash over his entire body.

He pulls back again and Eddie makes a whining noise, chasing after his lips. Richie stops him and rests their foreheads together.

All the fears from his childhood and the last few months just fall away. His next words tumble out of his mouth without a second thought. 

“I love you,” he says, voice raspy. “Like, I’m embarrassingly head over heels in love with you.”

“I know,” Eddie says, grinning.

Richie laughs and surges forward to capture Eddie’s lips in his again.

Minutes go by. Or hours. Richie has no idea. When they finally break apart they’re breathless and still clinging to each other.

When Richie’s breathing steadies a bit he says with a smile, “Wow Eds, that was super gay.”

“Shut the fuck up, Richie,” Eddie says and rolls his eyes.

Eddie’s faux angry face slackens and he looks serious. “You know, I'm not really even sure if I am gay. I mean, yeah, obviously I am on some level. But I don’t really pay much attention to other guys. I mean I guess I notice them. Sometimes. But - 

Richie pecks him lightly on the lips to stop the high speed tangent that he knows is building.

Eddie blushes at the gentleness of the kiss, even after everything they’d just done. ”It's just you. Is what I'm saying. It's always been you. What I'm into is just… you.”

Richie beams and peppers Eddie’s whole face with quick kisses. Eddie squirms but there’s a smile on his face too.

“If you really wanna test it out...” Eddie says shyly, “we can, I don't know, go to Venice Beach or something and... check people out? I guess? See how I feel.”

“Eds... Are you saying you want to go somewhere with me solely to judge other people?”

“Yes.”

“Jesus christ,” Richie laughs, pulling Eddie flush to his chest again. “You sure know the way to my heart.”

They kiss again as Richie mumbles “I’d go anywhere with you.”

Richie didn’t even realize they’d been moving slowly across the rooftop until he backed Eddie’s legs up into something. Eddie broke away to look down at the hammock behind him, with his arms still around Richie’s neck.

He looks back at Richie with a glint in his eye. “You wanna lay in the hammock with me and makeout?”

Richie looks at him like he’s been hit over the head. He loves him so much. How did he get this lucky?

“I’ve been waiting my entire life for you to say that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And they lived happily ever after. The End.
> 
> I had so much fun writing this. Thank you for reading!


End file.
